Closer
by renegadedrow2
Summary: Dir en grey fic: Shinya is mysteriously attacked one day and soon the rest of the band realizes this wasn't just some random mugging. They're being targeted. KyoxShinya
1. Chapter 1

The street was so dimly lit as Shinya walked to his apartment, snow blowing with the wind and getting caught in his hair. He heels clacked on the cement as he walked, loudly echoing in the empty streets an alleys, his bracelets clinking together making as much noise as his shoes did. He glanced around nervously, somewhat frightened of the night.

He didn't know why, but he had the feeling that he was being watched, that someone or something was following him to his apartment. Gradually he increased his pace, subtly just incase if someone were following him they wouldn't realize he had caught onto them.  
He jittered nervously, running his hand along the side of his pants. He walked faster and faster until he had broken in a run, running around the corner into a dark alley way, pressing his back against the wall, gasping for air. He looked around in his bag for his cellular phone, he needed to call someone. Shinya knew he wasn't just paranoid, someone was following him. As he pulled out his phone he paused, he didn't hear any footsteps. "Baka," Shinya jumped as he heard the words and dropped his cell phone. He squinted through the darkness, trying to see who was there.

As if sprung from the darkness, the first thing he saw was a fist flying at his face, striking him in the jaw. Caught off guard, Shinya stumbled to the side, trying to walk back towards the side walk in a daze. The same hand that had punched him grabbed him and shoved him against the wall, and then he felt cold metal beneath his chin, sharp and moving back and forth as if taunting him. "Shinya…Terachi Shinya…" the voice mused with an American accent. "I hoped to get someone of higher value, but you'll do. How much do you think the others would pay for your safe return?"

Shinya bit his lip, confused. "E—excuse m-m-me?" he stuttered, struggling to find the words to speak. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know who this was, or why they were holding him like this.

"How much do you think the rest of your shitty band would pay to see you returned safely?"

"I—I don't kn—know," Shinya stammered, wishing he hadn't had dropped his cell phone, which was lying only a few feet away from him. He felt the sharp metal press hard against his neck, beginning to be dragged slowly across. He winced at the blade cut through his skin, feeling trickles of warm blood slide down his neck.

"Then you better think fast," the man said in a menacing tone.

Shinya whimpered, clutching his bag tightly. He didn't want to die, and he knew even if he gave the man an answer he would still be killed. "I don't want to die," he whispered in a frightened voice.

"You deserve to die, you fucking faggot," again, Shinya was punched in the face, sending him to the ground. He got on hands and knees to try and stand up, but the man kicked him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. He grabbed Shinya's hair and tilted his head back to face him, Shinya's eyes wide with fear. "All fucking Japanese faggots like you should die. Dressing up like fucking women. You think other women like it? You're just fucking queer, and all you queer Japanese need to die. I'm going to pick you all off one by one until there are none of you left to corrupt any other countries out there with your homosexuality."

"What?" was the only world Shinya could gasp out before he was struck again along with a large chunk of his hair being torn out, accompanied with pieces of his scalp and blood. He cried out in pain, clutching his head. The man struck him again.

"Shut the fuck up!" he shouted, striking Shinya again and again, hitting him in the face and the chest. Shinya screamed out, but the man was relentless. He didn't understand it, why did this man he didn't even know hate him so much. Because of the band? Because of Dir en grey? That was not a reason to hate him so, to beat him and threaten his life. He dressed feminine on stage and in videos and photo shoots, but he did not dress like that all the time, this man was hurting him just because of his public image. Tears ran down his face from both pain of the beating and confusion.

"Please…Stop…please," Shinya sobbed as the man stopped beating him. His body was so sore; his lips were bloody from having accidentally bitten through them when he had been hit in the face. His nose bled and his right eye was swollen shut, along with his head still bleeding. He rolled onto his back, staring up at the sky, gasping and sobbing. He looked over and watched the dark man rifle through the objects in the alley until he found a long metal pole, swinging it in the air several times until he found the feel satisfactory.

"No…I'm begging you…please…" Shinya moaned, feeling hot tears solidify into ice particles on his cheeks. The man struck Shinya with the rod, forcing him to curl into the fetal position on the ground, sobbing, trying to hold back his screams. He hit him again, his time in the side of the head. For a moment, everything turned back and a loud buzz filled Shinya's ears. He was numb he couldn't feel the ground beneath him, almost as if he were floating.

And then all his feelings came back at once, the pain, the wetness of his clothes from the snow, his hands covering his face, the whistling of the wind, and something new… a hand shaking him vigorously, a voice calling out his name. "Shinya! Shinya! Wake up!"  
He groaned softly, his remaining functional eye open slowly and he saw, blurry at first, a face in front of his, two piercing in the lower lip, one in his eyebrow and nose, his eyes almond shaped, concerned and caring. His blonde hair fell down in soft tufts around his face, adding an almost childish look to his impeccable features. "Kyo?" Shinya asked, his voice sounding pained and desperate.

"Yeah, Shin-chan, it's me…are you alright?"

"Kyo…what happened to…to…" Shinya couldn't find the words to speak, he was trembling. He grimaced as he sat up, staring at Kyo.

"Sshhh, come on, Shinya, let's get you cleaned up. I'll explain later."

Shinya clutched the blanket wrapped tightly around him, still trembling from the attack and shivering from the cold of his wet clothes. He stared at the steaming cup of tea on his coffee table, resting beside several books, most of them fanatical books he read for fun. Next to one book was a note he wrote to himself as a reminder he need to buy Miyu and Puppy more food. Kyo was bandaging all his open wounds as best he could, cleaning the blood off of his face.

"A-arigatou gozaimasu," Shinya said quietly. "Kyo…h-how d-did you know to c-come?"

Kyo fumbled around in his pockets for something and finally found it, Shinya's cell phone. "You dropped this in the alley, I guess you hit the speed dial for my cell or something because my phone rang when I was walking out of the studio. I heard some guy talking about how Japs need to die or something, so I came looking for you, and that's when I found you. He freaked when he realized someone was watching and ran for it," Kyo explain, leaning back and taking a sip of his own cup of tea. "Shin-chan, why didn't you try to defend yourself?"

"I—I couldn't…he wouldn't stop…" Shinya's voice trailed off. "Did you see him? Do you know who he is?"

Kyo reached into his jacket and pulled out another object. "I found this in the alley, I think he dropped it," Kyo handed it to Shinya.

Nimbly, he took what appeared to be a passport. He opened it and stared at the face of his attacker, a man with a round face, thin lips and piercing green eyes that seemed to stare at him with a growing hatred. His hair was almost as long as Shinya's, a reddish-maroon color that was clearly unnatural and showing his brown roots near the top of his head. He read the first name aloud, "Seth". So this was the man who hated him so, an American man. "Shinya, are you okay?" Kyo asked.

"I'm just…just…I don't understand how he could hate me so much and not even know me. He said that all Japanese needed to die, because of our look," he stared at Kyo, "because of how our band dresses. Kyo, I'm scared, what if he comes back for me? What if he goes after one of you?" Shinya stared to sob, and placed a trembling hand over his face to hide his tears from Kyo, he didn't want Kyo to see him like this, he didn't know why, he just didn't want him to see him so weak and seemingly defenseless.

He felt Kyo wrap his arms around him tightly, pulling him close. "Don't worry, Shin-chan, I won't let him hurt you again, I promise."

Shinya woke up groggily, his body still sore. He slowly kicked the covers off of him and sat up in bed, remembering little from the night before after Kyo had brought him home. He glanced at the clock and saw that is read 10:00 A.M.. He was supposed to be at the studio by 11:30, so he had plenty of time to get ready. He walked into his bathroom and quickly took of his clothes, turning the bath handle to a somewhat medium water temperature and pull of the switch to start the shower. He paused before getting in and examined himself, large bruises on his arms and sides, a few on his thighs. Reluctantly, he walked over to the mirror above his sink and stared at his reflection for a long time, feeling his stomach churn at the sight of his face.

His eye was barely opened, and all around it, the skin was swollen, purple and black. He had two large bruises on either side of his jaw, it was quite obvious where his hair had been torn out, his lower lip had a large scab across it, and he had a large mark across his neck from where he had been cut. He shook his head, unable to stare at his reflection any longer, and he had no idea what he was going to tell the other. He stepped into the shower slowly, the water hitting his sore limb and bruises stinging a little at first, and when the water touched his head he cried out in pain, the water burning his missing flesh. He washes himself quickly, not bothering to clean his hair, he knew the shampoo would burn his scalp if he did.

Shinya grabbed two towels, draping one over his shoulders and the other he tied around his waist. He walked over to the fogged mirror and glanced at his face, seeing that it looked a little better without all the blood on it. He grabbed is toothbrush and toothpaste and quickly applied the toothpaste, ran the toothbrush under cold water and started to brush his teeth. He couldn't brush too much, because when he stretched his lips to get his molar it hurt the cut across his lower lip. He rinsed off the toothbrush and walked out of his bathroom.

Shinya walked out of his room to go to the laundry room, he hadn't had the time the night previous to fold all of his clothes. As he entered the kitchen he saw Kyo standing in front of his fridge, rifling through the contents for something. "Kyo? Did you go home last night?" Shinya asked.

Kyo turned around, smiling. "Yeah, but I figured I'd come get you, just to be safe," he said. "Want something to drink?"

Shinya laughed to himself. It was his apartment, shouldn't he be offering Kyo a drink, not vise versa? "Um, is their any orange juice left?" Shinya asked.

Kyo looked back at the fridge and grabbed a jug of the Minute Maid orange juice. He went to a cabinet, but was disappointed to find bowels and plates in it. He moved onto the next one and cursed as he found that it was filled with appliances. HE moved to the next cabinet and opened it. "Seriously Shinya, who the fuck keeps books in a cabinet?" he asked as Shinya laughed out loud. He moved to the next cabinet and finally found the glasses. He pulled two out, one for himself and one for Shinya. He poured each of them a glass, setting Shinya's down on the table as the drummer walked over to it.

"Thanks, Kyo," Shinya said, sipping it, but wincing as the citrus burned the inside of his mouth and gums. He tried not to let Kyo notice. "What time is it?"

"11:15."

Shinya coughed as he sipped the orange juice again. "11:15? No way! I was only in the shower for around ten minutes!" he cried jumping up and racing to the laundry room. He looked around for some pants, but all he could find were a small pair of shorts and a tight tank top. He threw them on without a second thought, he would never hear the end of it if he came in late, and no doubt Kaoru would throw a fit about it.

"Oh, I see, your clock is broken!" Kyo shouted from Shinya's room.

"Wonderful!" Shinya called sarcastically as he grabbed his back by the door containing his drums sticks, read books, and wallet. "Are you ready to go, Kyo?"

Kyo emerged from Shinya's room, spinning his car keys on his index finger. He stared at Shinya in surprise for a moment, seeing all the bruises that covered his thighs and upper arms, but said nothing of them, not whishing to upset the drummer anymore than he already was from the night previous. "Come on, let's not keep leader-sama waiting."

Shinya lowered his head as he walked into the studio, trying to hide his damaged face from the others. He wished he could wear a wig and have the hair over his face. He watched Kyo laughing as Die and Toshiya stared at him in shock and Shinya remembered Kyo always came in late, especially when they were scheduled in the morning. "Kyo! You're here?!" Die laughed. "Who woke you up? I want to see how badly you beat them from disturbing your beauty sleep!"

"Shinya! You have a letter!" Toshiya came bouncing over to him and handed it to him, bouncing back to were his bass was to finish cleaning it.

Shinya sighed with relief, realizing Toshiya was far to hyper this morning to look clearly at his face. He opened the letter silently as Kyo went to see was Kaoru was working on. He trembled as he read the letter, every word written in red ink, signed at the bottom it read, "Seth". He whimpered and dropped the letter, feeling faint he grabbed onto the nearest chair for support and forced himself to sit down.

"Shinya?" Kyo walked over to him. He saw the letter on the ground and read the opening out loud, " 'You got lucky, Mr. Terachi, that your friend came along, or your faggot Jap ass would have been lying dead in the alley. So fucking lucky your fucking midget faggot lover came to save you, huh?' " Kyo stared at Shinya, "Who the fuck is calling me a fucking midget?"

Toshiya walked over, peeking at the letter. "What is this? Hate mail? And what is it talking about Shinya 'got lucky'?" he asked.

Kyo ignored him and kept reading, "Your going to die, just like you deserve. You're polluting this world with your shitty music and your gayness, all you Japs need to die and burn in Hell where you belong! When I'm done with you I'm coming after the rest of your faggot lovers, you just wait. Then they'll all be burning in hell with you, Mr. Terachi."

Kaoru stood up and walked over to them, taking the letter and skimming over the lines, then he looked up, giving Shinya worried look. "What happened last night?"

Shinya forced himself to lift his head and reveal his battered face, the cut along his neck and he made visible all marks inflicted from the brutal beating the night before. He heard Toshiya gasp and Die shut his eyes for a moment, horrified by the sight, and Kaoru just stared at him in shock. When Shinya said nothing, Kyo put a comforting arm around his shoulders, making his blush deeply. Why was Kyo being so nice to him? They hardly ever spoke to each other, and hardly hung out together, but Kyo came to his rescue, he cleaned him up, drove him here, read out loud the letter Shinya had not the courage to, and now he was comforting him. Kyo was being so gentle towards him, so kind, he enjoyed Kyo's touch, but then again he didn't want to be touched by Kyo, something felt different about it, it was more…loving…

"Last night, Shinya was attacked by an American man. He called me, but didn't have time to speak with me. By the time I found him he was unconscious in an alley a block away from his apartment complex…he was being beaten…" Kyo winced as if the memory pained him. Shinya felt awkward, why was Kyo so affected by what had happened to him? "He's out to kill us, he has a vendetta against us, he wants us dead."

"We have to go to the police," Toshiya said, fear creeping into his voice as if the American man were standing right next to him.

Kaoru shook his head, "Not a good idea, word will get out someone hates us and they could find out through the news."

"What should we do?" Die asked, sounding distressed.

"We have to wait and see what's going to happen next," Kyo said in a monotone voice. Shinya felt Kyo's hand give his shoulder a comforting squeeze, making him flinch slightly. He wanted to be touched by Kyo more, but for some reason he felt the thoughts were very wrong, he knew he had to make them go away. He stood up, clutching his bag.

"Shinya, where are you going?" Toshiya called as he walked towards the door.

"I'm going home," he answered, walking out the door and shutting it gently behind him.

"Shinya, wait!" Kyo called after him, rushing out after him.

Die gave an exasperated sigh. "What are we going to do? If he wants us dead then he's gonna kill us!" he sat down, a solemn expression on his face.

Kaoru sat down across from Die and Toshiya followed suit. "I guess practice is cancelled," Toshiya mumbled.


	2. Chapter 2

"Shinya wait!" Kyo rushed after him, but Shinya ignored him, walking as fast as his sore muscles would allow him to into the alley that led to the parking lot. He had to get rid of the feeling of wanting to be touched by Kyo, it was so unnatural, so awkward he didn't want to be around him until it left. "Shinya!"

"Kyo! I told you already, leave me alone!" Shinya shouted, surprised by how aggravated his voice sounded, how vicious. He blushed deeply, almost in shock by how stern and menacing he had sounded, he turned around, his face bright red. "Just please…Kyo…leave me alone for now."

"Shin-chan, I'm worried about you," Kyo said softly, walking slowly towards him. The short singer stood in front of him and reached up slowly, sliding his hand over Shinya's bruised cheek gently, doing his best not to hurt him. "I want to make sure you're going to be okay, going to be safe as you walk back to your apartment. I can see the look in your eyes, Shinya, you're so scared. I don't know why you would want to walk home all by yourself in this cold weather, especially with the possibility of the American coming back for you. Please, just let me drive you home."

"Kyo, I don't want your sympathy…don't make me feel worse than I already do…please…"

Kyo's lower lip trembled slightly and he licked his lips. "Shinya…I just want to make you feel better…please…let me make you feel better."

Shinya stared at him, his skin tingling beneath Kyo's soft hand, just barely resting against his skin as if taunting him, teasing him and making him desire Kyo's touch even more than he already did. A slight pull brought Shinya's face down to Kyo's and he shut his eyes, seeming to have lost all conscious thought as he did such. As his face neared Kyo's, he felt the singer's hot breath on his lips and that heat seemed to bring him back to reality, back from his trancelike state. He immediately jolted back. "Kyo, I—I have to go," he mumbled, his face turning an even deeper shade of red as his mind raced with questions as to what he had nearly done with Kyo. What was he going to do? He knew he wasn't going to kiss Kyo, he wasn't gay or anything. He shook his head solemnly, seeing the look on the short man's face confused and racing for questions as well. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Shinya turned around and started to walk, but stopped dead in his tracks as he stared at the face of the menacing man only a few feet away from him, lighting a cigarette and grinning at Shinya. He was at a loss for words, immediately recognizing the face he had seen in the passport, the man who had beaten him, who had tried to kill him. "No…no…" Shinya whispered in a frightened manner, taking a step back.

Kyo moved to his side, glaring at the man. "Go Shinya, go home," he said in a monotone voice.

"But…Kyo…" Shinya took another step back as Seth approached him, still not a word emitting from his mouth.

"Go Shinya! GO!" Kyo shouted at him.

Shinya turned and ran as fast at he could, tears in eyes. He wanted to stop and turn back, to go help Kyo, but he couldn't. His mind screamed out against his body's movements, but no matter how hard he tried his legs kept moving faster and faster, fleeing from the scene. He had this horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach like something was going to happen, as if abandoning Kyo to fight Seth was not enough. He knew Kyo was strong, stronger than his short stature would have led people to believe, but he was facing a man that was taller than him and possibly stronger. He prayed Kyo wouldn't be hurt, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't shake the feeling of despair, the feeling something horrible was happening. He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, gasping for air, many pedestrians giving him an odd look.

He jumped a little as he heard his cell phone ring and reached into his bag and grabbed it, opening it and pressing it to his ear. "Moshi-moshi?" he gasped.

"Shinya…it's Kyo…"

Shinya sighed with relief. Kyo was alive, he must've had to fight viciously with Seth to still be with everyone. "Are you alright?" Shinya asked, somewhat reluctantly.

"You could say that," as Kyo the words Shinya heard him cough, and then swear. He noticed the faintness of Kyo's words, how weak and unassertive they sounded.

"What do you mean?" Shinya asked.

"I'm bleeding…a lot…Shin-chan, can you call an ambulance?" the words sounded even weaker than before, even pained.

"An ambulance? What happened?" he sounded somewhat panicked by the words Kyo had spoken. His stomach tightened into a knot, the feeling he had had early, the instinct, it was so true—something had gone terribly wrong.

"Most of it's a blur… Shinya, he stabbed me, there's blood everywhere…I coughed up some blood on my phone…my feet are so numb…help me—"

"Kyo, kyo, listen to me, okay, listen. Call out for help, Die and the others are still inside…call to them as loud as you can, just don't hang up, stay with me, okay? Stay with me—" Shinya started walking back towards the studio, he had to get to Kyo.

"Don't let me die, Shinya, I don't want to, not without—"

"You have to listen to me Kyo, call for them, you need help, I'm coming as fast as I can, but I won't reach you in time…call for help!" Shinya felt more tears welling in his eyes as he broke into a run.

"Shinya, I don't want to die without telling you…I l—"

He heard Kyo gasp and everything became silent. Shinya immediately stopped running, clutching the phone and fearing the worst. "Kyo? Kyo! Kyo, answer me! Don't you dare die on me, don't you dare! I don't want you to die, Kyo! Answer me!" Shinya choked on a sob, his knees feeling weak. Despiar tore through his mind and heart, leaving pain and guilt every which way it turned within him. His knees gave out beneath him and he collapsed to the ground, sobbing. "Please…Kyo…don't die because of me."

Shinya couldn't look at the others as they sat outside Kyo's hospital room, he couldn't face them knowing they knew what had happened, how had run off and left Kyo to fend for himself against a man that was threatening all of their lives. He heart felt as though it had been torn in two and he struggled to control his emotions. He didn't want to cry in front of them, he wanted to be strong. They all looked miserable, absolutely depressed. Kaoru's foot was tapping nervously on the ground, biting his lower lip; Die sat with his face in his hands, no one quite sure if he was crying or not, and Toshiya sat against the wall on the floor, his knees tucked close to his chest, looking around nervously as if he were to be the next victim.

Finally a doctor emerged from Kyo's room and Kaoru stood up, walking over to him. Shinya didn't pay attention to them as they talked, his mind was stuck on his conversation with Kyo. The little singer had tried to tell him something, but he didn't hear what. It sounded like "I lo—" before he had been cut off. 'I' what? 'I love you?' perhaps? Shinya cursed silently to himself, bothered by such thoughts. Why on earth would Kyo tell him that he loved him? Kyo wasn't gay, and neither was Shinya, why in the entire universe would he imagine such a foolish thing?

"Shinya?"

He looked up at Kaoru. "Yes, Kaoru-kun?" he asked in a voice barely above a whispered, frightened that he might be scolded for abandoning Kyo.

"Kyo only wants to see us one at a time and he asked that you see him first," Kaoru explained.

Shinya nodded, standing up slowly and walking over to the door. The doctor gave him a strange look when he saw all of Shinya's wounds and bruises, but he said nothing, ushering him in the room. "Arigatou gozaimasu, sensei," he mumbled as the doctor shut the door behind him. He walked over to the bed slowly, see Kyo smiling at him. He cringed a bit, seeing that Kyo had a black eye, his face had seven stitches near his cheek and it was quite clear one of his lip rings had been torn right out of his flesh. "How are you feeling?" he asked, standing beside the bed.

"We match," Kyo laughed, pointing to his black eye. "I'm fine, my stomach is hurting like hell, though."

"How does the wound look?" Shinya asked, gulping.

"Take a look," Kyo lifted up the hospital gown and pointed to the long gash near his navel that was stitched up with at least 20 stitches.

Shinya blushed as Kyo had lifted the gown, revealing his short legs and his bright red and black boxers, wanting to reach out and stroke Kyo's pale little legs, to feel his soft pale skin beneath his finger tips, but restrained himself and forced his eyes onto the stab wound. He paled somewhat as he looked at the stitches. "I—I'm sorry, for leaving you, I should've helped you," he said solemnly.

"Don't be an idiot, Shin-chan, I told you to leave me, if you hadn't you'd probably be in the bed next to me," Kyo said, not appearing to have been bothered or pained one bit by the wound. Shinya wondered if it was a façade, Kyo trying to stay strong, like he had been trying so hard to do; if his suspicions were correct the little singer was much better at hiding things than he was.

'That's my Kyo,' Shinya thought warmly. His eyes widened somewhat when he reexamined his thoughts. 'My Kyo' he thought somewhat in an absurd tone, 'How is he 'my kyo'? That is a foolish thought, he's not mine, I'm not dating him—' Shinya bit his lip. For some reason everything he reexamined seemed to lead to thoughts of being in love with Kyo, what was wrong with him? Why was he thinking such unnatural thoughts of late? Such strange thoughts—such gay thoughts. It made him wince a little on the inside thinking that, maybe the American man was right, he was gay, he loved men and dressed like a woman; that he shouldn't be alive.

"Shinya?" Kyo noticed he had been spacing off, looking somewhat lost within his own thoughts.

"I'm fine, just a little tired…and worried…about you and all," Shinya mumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets, trying to forget even the mention that he could be gay. There wasn't a possibility, there couldn't be a chance he did—or could there? What about when they were in the alley? When he had gotten too close to Kyo, when it seemed like they were going to kiss…did he intentionally try to kiss Kyo? He shuddered at the thought and tried to focus more on the issue at hand.

"Worried about me?" Kyo mused, leaning back into his bed pillows. "Worried, ne? Why be worried? Look, I'm alive! You see me, you hear me, look, you can feel me!" Kyo grabbed Shinya's hand and placed it on his chest.

Shinya's face turned bright red once more, he could feel Kyo's steady heart beat, he could feel the warumono's lungs taking in air, he could feel the warmth of his soft skin, their skin touching only partitioned by a thin layer of clothing. Slowly, he drew his hand away from Kyo's chest, reluctantly at first, but still confused about his newfound emotion he new he had to do such until he could figure out what they were—what they really were. "I'm just scared…I don't ever want you to do that again, you hear me? Don't ever tell me to leave you…never again!" Shinya said suddenly, once again surprised about the outburst. He took in a deep breath, bowing his head, biting his lower lip nervously.  
He felt Kyo's arms wrap around him, gently pulling him close. "I won't die, Shinya, don't worry," he whispered in Shinya's ear.

"No, Kyo, you're not listening to me, I would rather die a thousand deaths than see you die one!" Shinya cried, tears in his eyes. He looked at Kyo, his eyes red and glassy, seeing a look of shock, as though he had been taken aback by the statement. "Please, promise me you'll never do it again."

"Shinya…"

"Promise me Kyo, promise me you will never do anything so reckless ever again!"

Shinya felt Kyo squeeze him tightly, his hands locked behind his back as if he were determined to never let the drummer go.

"I promise you, Shinya, that I'll never do anything like that again," Kyo whispered, kissing Shinya's forehead gently. As the drummer felt Kyo's lips touch his skin he felt as though his entire body had floated away, the sweet warmth of the little singer's soft lips on his flesh was so tantalizing and exciting to Shinya; but at the same time the kiss only lingered for a second, as did the warmth it cause on his skin. He felt as though Kyo were teasing him, waiting for a reaction as to what the shy drummer would do next.

Slowly, Shinya stepped away from Kyo's tight grasp and he sighed, wiping his eyes, and laughing. "I'm sorry for being such a crybaby," he said, trying to stifle his sobs and tears.

"When you're ready we can invite the others in," Kyo said, lying back down in his hospital bed.

"I thought you wanted to talk to us one at a time," Shinya said, somewhat perplexed.

"I fucking lied, 'kay? I just wanted to talk to you in private," Kyo grinned at him. "Come on, let them in, I guess now that this has happened we need to do something about that sick bastard, ne?"

Kyo bounced around the studio, waving the cane that the hospital gave him around at Toshiya, trying to start a sword fight. Shinya smiled as Kyo jump around, twisted and fell to the ground, laughing, a cigarette in his mouth. Toshiya had a plastic wiffle ball bat in his hands, laughing as he fought Kyo with it. The warumono didn't at all seem phased by his stitches.

"Kyo! Calm down! You're going to open your stitches," Kaoru said, looking up, his reading glasses on, surrounded by papers.

"I'm fighting the evil jedi master Darth Toshiyamasa!" Kyo jumped up, hitting Toshiya's forearm.

Toshiya dramatically fell to the ground, dropping the bat and clutching his arm. "Damn you, Master Kawaii!" he yelled loudly, going into a fake scream.

"Oh, you asked for it!" Kyo started hitting Toshiya's leg with the cane.

Shinya turned away from the two, smiling and laughing. The entire group contacted Yoshiki and told him what was going on, and of course he scolded them for not telling him about the threats or when Shinya had been attacked. Yoshiki said it was best that they wait to see if he would send more threats or if he would just disappear. He was just so worried. Shinya walked slowly over to Yoshiki's office and opened the door slowly.

Yoshiki was on the phone, seeming to not notice Shinya as he walked in. "No! I don't give a flying fuck about our agreement, I'll pay you in full, just stop the attacks! There is no negotiation over this, you are going to stop immediately; you have taken this way too fucking far!" he slammed down the phone, brushing his hair out of his face. He looked up and paled as he saw Shinya standing in the doorway. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Uh…I just got here," Shinya lied. "I'm a little worried about this American man. I might get attacked next, I might be killed next time I confront him."

Yoshiki intertwined his fingers and smiled at Shinya. "Don't worry, it's all being taken care of," he said somewhat slyly.

Once again, Shinya's stomach twisted into a knot, and he had the same feeling he did right before Kyo had been stabbed. Something bad was going to happen, something terrible.


	3. Chapter 3

_"I love you with all my heart, I've just been so afraid to tell you," Shinya said, pulling him closer, leaning down slowly to meet his lips._

_  
"Shinya…I love you too," he whispered back, his lips meeting with the drummer's, so warm and soft. He parted his lips as if beckoning to Shinya, and no sooner had he done so he felt Shinya's tongue in his mouth, touching his tongue, the roof of his mouth, leaving not an inch of the inside of his mouth untouched._

Kyo awoke with a start, sitting up in bed, placing his fingers to his lips, trying to feel for some sort of lingering warmth; he felt none. He sighed, frustrated as to why he had the dream again. Why was he having such strange dreams about Shinya lately? He moved to get out of bed and stopped, suddenly horrified by what he saw as he glanced at his lap. He had an erection! Kyo's hands flew to his crotch as though someone were watching him and he tried frantically to remember the way to get rid of it.

As his mind raced, his cell phone rang. He grabbed it off the nightstand and stared at the little screen, biting his lower lip as he saw it was Shinya on his cell phone. He answered, "Shinya, what the fuck are you doing? It's two in the morning!"

He heard Shinya sigh in relief. "I couldn't get a hold of your home phone, I thought something had happened."

"I just got kinda' pissed off at it, I threw it and for some reason that piece of shit broke all over the place," Kyo said, "So, Shin-chan, why are you calling? I have a little dilemma going for me right now."

"I'm sorry, you know how Yoshiki said we should end practice for the week? I haven't slept since then, can I come over to your house? I'm scared, I feel like I'm being watched."

"Wait, you haven't slept since practice was cancelled? That was three days ago! What the fuck have you been doing for seventy-two hours?" Kyo asked. He slowly stood up, pressing the phone to his ear and crouching over slight with his other hand covering his crotch as he walked over to his bathroom. He remembered you have to use the bathroom if you need to get rid of an erection.

"I've been pacing a lot…and cleaning…I've tried to sleep, but I'm to scared, I think he is watching me, Kyo, I think the American is watching me. I'm afraid to leave my apartment, and I ran out of food when we cancelled practice, but I don't want to go out alone. Can you please take me to your house? I don't want to be here alone," Shinya sounded shaky, like he was or had been crying.

It hurt Kyo to hear Shinya so frightened, so pained and scared. "Yeah, Shin-chan, just let me use the bathroom and get dressed and I'll come pick you up. Wait on the inside of entrance. Will you go that far?"

"Yes, and please, hurry," he said softly.

Kyo walked up the steps hurriedly up the steps, his car keys jingling in his pocket. He knocked on the door twice, "Shin-chan, you there?" he called. He watched the door open slowly, and he saw Shinya, his face looking better than it used to, his swollen eyes nearly completely open, the bruises had begun to fade, and but the cut on his lip was still quite visible. Other than that, he looked like a mess, he had bags under his eyes, his hair was messy and matted, both his eyes were blood shot and he smelled of cleaning products.

Half the buttons on his shirt were undone and his pants were falling below his waist line. Over his shoulder was his bag stuffed with no doubt clothes and other necessary items. He had Miyu in his arms and had the Puppy on a leash wrapped around his wrist.

"God, Shinya, you're a wreck," Kyo muttered, taking Miyu from Shinya as they walked down the stairs.

"I—I know…I really appreciate this Kyo," Shinya said as they reached the car door. He glanced around nervously, looking across the street and behind him. He opened the back door and set his bag down and let Puppy jump in the back. He shut the door softly and got into the front passenger side.

Kyo got in and started the car, glancing at Shinya every so often, seeing him clutching Miyu, staring straight ahead through the windshield in silence, but he looked unnaturally nervous, and his cheeks were bright red as though he were blushing. "Did you bring food for your dogs?" Kyo finally asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"Yes, and I brought some of their toys so they won't chew up your furniture," he said, petting Miyu gently. "Thank you, Kyo, for doing this. It was very out of line for me to call you so early and ask you to come pick me up, I'm sorry. I know how you like to sleep a lot."

Kyo laughed. "It was no problem, really," he lied. Damn it was early, good thing he had woken up when he did or he probably would have never heard the phone ring in the first place…because of that dream…about Shinya. His face turned red and he lowered his head a little, his undone hair covering his cheeks so Shinya wouldn't notice. "So you felt like you were being watched in there?"

"I know I was."

"How?" Kyo glance at Shinya as he reached for his bag in the back seat of the car.  
"I didn't want to say anything over the phone, because I think he tapped my phone too," Shinya pulled out a large manila folder. He handed it to Kyo.

Slowly, trying to keep his eyes on the road, he pulled out a bundle of pictures. They were all of Shinya, him playing with Miyu and Puppy, pacing back back and forth, talking on the phone, eating dinner, drinking water, and then Kyo came to one of Shinya undressing, his shirt lying on the floor, his pants at his ankles, his boxers pulled down to his hips. Fearing Shinya would notice he was staring at the photo too long, he moved onto the next and handed the bundle of photos back to the drummer.

"We have to tell Yoshiki," Kyo said firmly, trying to shake the image of Shinya's half naked body from his mind.

"We're going to worry him too much—Kyo, please don't tell anyone about these pictures, please," Shinya begged.

Kyo sighed, wishing Shinya were more open about his issues, more open to him. He could tell something else was bothering the drummer, but he knew if he asked Shinya's answer would be vague. He heard a phone ring and looked at Shinya as he fumbled around in his pocket for his cell. "Moshi-moshi?" he answered. Then his eyes grew large and he whimpered, "Please…just leave me alone."

Kyo stopped the car and snatched the phone from Shinya. "Who the fuck is this?" he demanded.

He heard a chill laugh. "You're still alive? After all that you lived?"

"Listen up, ass-wipe, I'm not fucking around anymore, you leave Shinya alone! Or you're gonna have to answer to me, got it?"

"Aw, how sweet, the faggot's lover is trying to protect him again! Well this time, Mr. Niimura, you're not going to get away with your life. You think you can protect Mr. Terachi by taking him to your house? You're not, because I'll find you. I will kill Shinya's dogs, and then I'll torture him in front of you, so you can hear his every last whimper and scream, so you can see what awaits you. They'll never find your body, nor the rest of the band, or Yoshiki. Dir en grey and everyone affiliated with them will just disappear. Just like that," again came the chill laughter and the line went dead.

Kyo felt anger building inside himself and he threw down the cell phone, starting up the car and slamming down on the gas pedal. 'That son of bitch, if he ever comes near Shinya I'm going to beat the shit out of him!' Kyo thought, turning the corner onto his street so sharply the car tires shrieked. He looked at Shinya, the tall man looking frightened again after the phone call.

"Its okay, Shinya, he's not coming back for you, I'll make sure of it," Kyo gently touched Shinya's arm reassuringly, but as soon as his finger tips touched Shinya he wanted to touch him even more. Like when he was in the hospital and he placed Shinya's hand on his chest, Kyo wanted to drag Shinya down onto the bed with him and give him the long passionate kiss that screamed out how much he had grown to love to timid drummer over the years, but he had restrained himself then as he would now.

Kyo turned his attention to the road and pulled into his driveway. He got out of the car silently and went to the back door to get Puppy. He grabbed the dogs leash and led the dog and Shinya into his home. He flicked on the lights and unhooked the dog's collar from the leash and let it run into his house. Shinya set down his bag by the door and set Miyu down, who chased after Puppy.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Kyo asked, walking into the kitchen as Shinya sat down on the couch, glancing around nervously.

"Um, do you have any soda?"

Kyo glanced at the frigde, grabbing three bottles of Sapporo Black Label Draft and a Coca-Cola. He walked into the living room and set the drinks down on the table before sitting on the couch. Shinya smiled at him. "What? Do I look funny to you or something?" he asked, pulling out his key ring and using the miniature bottle opener on his beer bottle.

"This is when you offer someone a drink, when you're at your house, not when you're at someone else's," Shinya smiled at him, taking the coke and tapping the top for a moment and then opening it. He took a sip and set down the can.

"It's good to see your sense of humor hasn't failed you," Kyo smiled back at him almost sarcastically. He didn't like when Shinya talked about etiquette and manners, things that were proper and improper to do, it used to annoy him so much; but of late, he didn't mind it as much as he used to. He almost thought it to be an adorable feature.

"Kyo, just a quick question, why are there three beers sitting out? I don't really want to drink," Shinya asked, taking another sip from the can before him.

"See Shinya, you woke me up and the only way I'm getting back to bed is with these bottles of beer and some talking," Kyo took a long drink from the bottle of beer and set it down. He got up and moved into the seat next to Shinya, grinning at him. "Let's get to know each other a bit more, I mean, we don't hang out that much now do we? So come on, tell me something about yourself."

"Well, I…I was born in Osaka, and I'm a Pisces, and…I like being in my bathrobe…I don't know what to say that you don't already know," he answered, looking somewhat nervously when Kyo moved near to him.

"Come on, here, we're gonna play a game, its called 'truth'. This is one of those funny teenager games; we can ask each other any question…any question at all, and the other has to answer truthfully. If you don't, you have to do something you hate, that simple," Kyo finished off the first bottle of beer and reached for the second one. "I'll go first: How old were you when you got your first kiss?" Kyo rolled his eyes as he spoke the words, 'I sound like a fucking schoolgirl! Where the fuck did that just come from?'

Shinya lowered his head as if ashamed and his cheeks turned red. "I…I've never had my first kiss, to tell the truth," he said grabbed his drink, sipping from it again and setting it down. He drew little circles on the table with his finger with the water from the condensation of the cold can of soda. "I mean, I've dated other women, but I was always too afraid to make the first move, and the people I dated thought it improper for the woman to make the first move."

Kyo gave him a funny look and guzzled down the beer, and after they had been talking for only fifteen minutes, Kyo got up to get a few more beers from the kitchen.

"You haven't even started the third one yet!" Shinya called to him.

"Yeah, well, I know I would be getting them even if I started and finished the third one," Kyo laughed as he came back and set down three more bottles of beer. And that's how it was the entire night, they talked, which Kyo never thought he could do, especially when he was sober. He normally wouldn't be able to sit and talk for so long with someone such as Shinya, someone who was so timid and shy, usually Kyo would get sick of the redundancy of having to wait for his questions to be answer, or the constant prodding for the answer, but he was unnaturally patient with Shinya, seeming very accepting toward him. It was nearly three forty-five A.M., Kyo had guzzled down a six pack and all six of the beers' affects were now taking their toll on the short singer, Shinya soda had long ago been emptied and they both fell into an awkward silence.

"Kyo, how long are you going to let me stay here?" Shinya asked, his tone suddenly turning serious.

"As long as you like, as long as your dogs don't chew on my furniture," Kyo giggled, his words sounding slurred together. He knew he was drunk, but he didn't care, he was in his home and nothing bad can happen when you're drunk in your own home.

"Seriously, Kyo, how long? I don't want to become a burden," he said, sounding ashamed of his own words.

"As long as you need," Kyo answered, standing up and gathering a few of the emptied bottle in his hands and carrying them to the trash bin. He stumbled a bit, his vision blurred and the room appeared shaky, and he almost like he were floating.

Shinya lied down on the couch when Kyo got up, hoping the temperamental singer wouldn't mind. He didn't like to see Kyo drunk, he was far too bubbly. For some reason Shinya felt as though he enjoyed the abrasive, almost bipolar Kyo as opposed to the constantly bouncing and easily amused Kyo. He was still trying to deny the strange feelings he had when Kyo neared him, trying to deny what he knew was true. He simply didn't want to believe he was in love with Kyo, in love with a man…

Kyo stumbled into the room and walked over to the couch. "Do you want me to get up? I wouldn't mind—" The little singer didn't say a word as he climbed on top of Shinya, straddling his waist as he leaned down in front of him. Shinya's entire body surged with excitement the minute he felt Kyo clim on top of him, but he cursed himself, realizing the feeling was wrong. "Kyo, please get off of me," he said quietly.

"Shinya, you have no idea how long I have waited to do this," Kyo leaned in, his eyes shut, his lips parted as they neared Shinya's until they finally touched, brushing lightly, skin to skin. Then Kyo collapsed onto Shinya, finally passing out from the alcohol consumption.

The drummer was in shock, he moved his hand to his lips, unable to believe what had just happened. Did Kyo just kiss him? Shinya shook his head, 'He's just really drunk. He probably had no idea what was happened. Maybe he thought we were on stage and it was some sort of fan service gone wrong. Die and Kaoru said he did happened to get a little crazy when he was drunk,' Shinya reasoned.

But he couldn't deny the excitement he once again felt, how badly he wanted Kyo to stay conscious so he could return the sweet kiss. He sighed and gently pushed Kyo off of him onto the floor. Perhaps it had been a mistake to stay at Kyo's house, maybe the strange feelings he for the little man wouldn't leave and they would stay with him until he one day admitted it. Doing such could ruin the band, and he had to put them before himself, because it would not only destroy the career and success of the band, but as well ruin the lives of their crew, label, and break the hearts of their many fans.

'Maybe I'll just wait and see what happens tomorrow,' Shinya thought as he lifted the short warumono and placed him on the couch. He moved to the opposite couch and slowly, for the first time in over seventy-two hours, drifted into an undisturbed dreamless sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

The light hitting Shinya's eyes instantly woke him. He sat up and glanced around, for a moment not remembering where he was and then he did: he was at Kyo's house, sleeping on Kyo's couch. He looked across the room and saw Kyo sprawled out on the couch, mouth wide open, an occasional low snore coming from him. Shinya stood up and walked over to him, brushing the blonde hair out of the warumono's face. He paused and admired the singer; his face was so angelic and peaceful as he slept it seemed a sin to wake him.

He stared at Kyo's lips, remembering the kiss from the night before, the feeling of his lips touching Kyo's, the metal of his lip ring brushing against his flesh, the taste of alcohol having lingered from Kyo's lips to his. That's all it was though, a drunken kiss, something that meant so little yet so much to Shinya. He sighed, realizing that no matter how much he wished it to be true, Kyo would never love him.

Shinya glanced around and found the clock, seeing it was already two in the afternoon. He had slept quite sometime, perhaps because he had been up for nearly three days. He walked to the bathroom--he needed to take a shower.

Kyo awoke with a start as he rolled off of the couch and slapped his head against the edge of his coffee table. "Fuck!" he yelled out, rubbing his head. He glanced around, blinking as the light from his curtain less windows hit his face. He looked down at his lap for a moment, sighing in relief, he had had another dream like he had the night before, only this one was a bit different. Usually in his dreams, Shinya was always the one to make the first move, but in his dream he made the first move:

_"Shinya, you have no idea how long I have waited to do this," Kyo leaned in, his eyes shut, his lips parted as they neared Shinya's until they finally touched, brushing lightly, skin to skin._

He shook his head, trying to erase the dream from his memory; he didn't want to think about wanting Shinya. Every time he did he only hurt himself by remembering Shinya was straight and would never take Kyo as his koibito. He stood up, glancing around, seeing two beer bottles on the table. 'What on earth did I do last night? Why was I drinking?' he wondered and froze as he heard the running water in the bathroom. 'Holy shit, there is someone in my house!'

He grabbed a beer bottle off of the table and walked towards the door, surprised to find it slightly open. He walked in silently, seeing a tall form just behind his shower curtain. Kyo grabbed the curtain and flung it open, "What the fuck are you doing in my--" he stopped, staring at Shinya in shock. The drummer stared at him frozen in shock as well, his hair half lathered with shampoo, running down his body as water hit his head. Kyo stared at Shinya for a moment longer, his heart racing at the sight of Shinya naked in his shower, reminding him of one of his fantasies about the drummer.

"Kyo!" Shinya yelled, finally coming out of shock and pulling the edge of the curtain over to cover himself. "What are you doing!?"

Kyo took a few steps back, his head bowed, shoulders hunched, his face beat red. "I--I'm sorry," he said quickly and rushed out of the bathroom, pressing himself against the wall just beside the bathroom door. He had completely forgotten about Shinya having spent the night at his house; how could he have been so foolish as to forget something that big? He sighed and walked towards the kitchen to make some coffee, to try and shake the image of naked Shinya from his mind. Yet a little part of him held onto that image, refusing to leave it behind and bury amongst other memories Kyo would not oft think about.

He watched the coffee drip into the pot and when it was done he poured himself a cup and grabbed the milk and sugar, bringing it with him to the table. He poured some milk into his cup and grabbed the bag of sugar, gently tipping it to put a little bit in, only to sweeten it. Kyo turned as Shinya walked out of the bathroom, wearing loose jeans and a white t-shirt, a towel around his shoulders so his hair wouldn't get his shirt wet. Kyo stared at Shinya as he walked towards him, no longer paying attention to his coffee.

As the drummer neared he giggled. "What?" Kyo asked.

"Would you like some more coffee with your sugar?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen to grab himself a cup.

"Huh?" Kyo looked at his coffee, surprised to see the cup filled with brown sugar (dyed by the coffee) and most of it on the table as well. "Well, I like my coffee to taste like candy."

"Sure," Shinya said sarcastically as he walked in with his cup of steaming coffee, blowing on it. He sat down across from Kyo.

"Um...I'm sorry...about walking in on you," Kyo said, poking the mound of sugar on the table, trying to avoid Shinya's eyes. "I guess...I forgot you were here. I don't really remember getting you or anything..."

Shinya blushed as he took a sip from his coffee cup. "It's alright, we all make mistakes, by the way, do you remember anything from last night?" he asked, looking somewhat curious.

Kyo's mind flashed back to his dream. 'Damn, I know what I want to have happened last night,' he thought. "No, I don't remember anything...anyway, since we have a day off, wanna go out to lunch or something? My treat."

Shinya smiled widely at him and nodded. "I'd really like that," he said, blushing a little. "But, if you don't mind, can we stop by Yoshiki's place? I want to talk to him."

"Are you going to take my advice about the photos?" Kyo asked, raising an eyebrow.  
Shinya nodded. "I thought about it when I was in the shower and decided he should know about it," he stood up, "I'll go get my bag."

Shinya unbuckled his seat belt as Kyo put the car into park and lowered the stereo. "Do you want me to come in?" he asked.

"It's alright, I'll be out soon," Shinya said, opening the door and stepping out. He glanced up and down the street somewhat nervously, being outdoors with no one to protect him still made him uneasy. He walked up the walkway knocked on Yoshiki's door, pulling his thin jacket around him tightly as the wind blew cold air towards him. He smiled as the door opened and Yoshiki invited him in.

"Can you wait just a minute, I have a call on hold and I don't want to keep him waiting, I'll be right back," Yoshiki said and walked towards his home office, swinging the door behind him. Shinya watched the door creak open slightly, and overwhelmed with curiosity, he walked over silently to the door and placed his ear in the way of the crack.

"You think you're clever, Mr. Yoshiki, don't you? You think you can outwit me? You knew fully well what you were getting yourself into when you called upon my services!" blared an accented voice over the speakerphone.

"Understand that, Mr. Rowland, what you have been doing I never called upon your service for! I just want this to stop, I have already told you, this has gone way too far and is getting out of hand!" Yoshiki growled into the phone. "I'll pay you double...no...triple of what I owe you for you to leave us alone!"

"Triple for each member," the accented voice said calmly.

"Each?! That's over one hundred fifty thousand U.S. dollars!" Yoshiki cried.

"Don't forget yourself, that is if you want to be scratched off the list."

Yoshiki gave a slight laugh. "You think I'm afraid of you? You're all bark and no bite, no deal, I'm sick of dealing with low life scum like you! If you do not end these meaningless taunts then I swear the authorities will have you in custody within the hour that I report you to them. End of discussion!" Shinya flinched as he heard Yoshiki slam his fist against the phone and he rushed back over to the couch, sitting down and smoothing his hair.

He was afraid to think of what sort of business dealing Yoshiki had gotten himself into, and possibly the rest of the band. And then it dawned on him: Could Yoshiki be responsible for the attacks on him and Kyo? And would the American go after the others when they least expected it? He prayed to god that that wouldn't be the case.

Yoshiki emerged from the office and grinned at Shinya. "So what brings you here?" he asked, sitting across from Shinya.

"Remember the American man, Seth? Well, I've received threatening phone calls from him, on my private phone, and I think he is stalking me, because I am getting strange candid photos in the mail of me going about my daily business," Shinya explained, running his sweaty palms along the side of his jeans, unable to shake the thought of Yoshiki possibly being the reason he and the rest of Dir en grey were being threatened.  
"Shinya, I wouldn't worry about it, I'm going to file a private police report tomorrow and hopefully, nothing about it will slip. Trust me Shinya, everything is going to turn out for the best," Yoshiki looked at his watch. "Dammit! I'm so sorry, Shinya, but I have to go to a meeting. I have no idea where the time went. Tell you what, after I get back, I'll call your house--"

"Oh, I'm staying with Kyo for a bit," he said.

"Okay, I'll call Kyo's house. Will you be there around six P.M. tonight?"

Shinya nodded and stood up, "Thanks, Yoshiki," he said and walked out of the house, rushing over to the car. Kyo popped up from the opposite side of the car and threw a snowball at Shinya, hitting him in the chest. It caught the drummer by surprise at first, but then he laughed, bent over and formed a snowball of his own and threw it at Kyo. The singer ducked down behind the car and popped back up, wiping the snowball at Shinya's head.

Shinya dove to the side, laughing and formed a snowball quickly, tossing it at Kyo and ducking down to avoid being hit again. Kyo came out from behind the car and threw a snowball at Shinya. Barely avoiding it, Shinya glanced back to see where it had landed and when he looked ahead again, Kyo was rushing at him and tackled him in the snow. Immediately he and Kyo began laughing and wrestling.

"I'm bigger than you!" Shinya laughed, trying to push Kyo off of him.

"Haven't you ever heard of David and Goliath?" Kyo pinned Shinya's arms at his sides. "The short ones always win!"

Shinya pulled an arm free and caught Kyo off guard, shoving him into the snow. Shinya, now straddling Kyo, stared at Kyo's brown eyes, looking so innocent, so warm and inviting...just like his lips. He bent down slowly, feeling Kyo's hands on his cheeks, pulling him down until their lips met, and his time neither of them pulled away. Shinya parted his lips and could feel Kyo's tongue in his mouth, tasting like sour coffee and sugar, but the kiss was so sweet Shinya didn't care. He ran his hand over Kyo's neck, collar, chest, stomach--then he stopped. He looked at Kyo's face, watching him grimace and looked down, blood beginning to soak through his shirt.

"Kyo, your stitches!" Shinya cried, getting off Kyo and staring at the blood. He saw Yoshiki coming out of the house and rushed over to him. "Yoshiki, it's Kyo, his stitches, they're open!" He held out his hand, smeared with the blood that had come up through Kyo's shirt.

"Get him in my car, I'll take him to the hospital," Yoshiki said, opening the back seat door.

Shinya rushed over to Kyo and helped him up, "Shin-chan, can you go to my house and get my wallet? I left all my information in there," Kyo said.

"What do you mean?"

"Um, like my driver's license and health insurance and ID," Kyo said sheepishly. Before Shinya could answer, Kyo leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, "Thanks."

Shinya blushed profusely as he placed Kyo in the backseat of his Yoshiki's car. "I'll see you at the hospital," he said.

As Yoshiki pulled out of the driveway, Shinya waved good-bye, watching the car disappear down the block. "Kyo kissed me back..." he mumbled, his eyes lighting up as he spoke the words, still in disbelief that he had kissed Kyo but even more shocked that the little singer had returned the kiss as well. "Kyo kissed me back...Kyo kissed me back..." His voice grew louder as he grew happier, a smile on his lips. "Kyo...Kyo loves me."

Shinya bounced into Kyo's house, still overjoyed by the fact he had been kissed. He spotted the wallet on the coffee table and bent over to pick it up, but he heard a strange click and felt the barrel of a gun against his back. He froze, dropping the wallet, shaking his head in disbelief. He turned around slowly, whimpering when he saw that Seth was standing before him with a gun pointed in his direction. "Please, don't shoot me--" Shinya began.

"Shut up!" Seth shouted, smacking the butt of the gun against Shinya's face, sending him stumbling to the side. "You listen to me, grab a pen and paper--"

He was cut off by barking, and when Shinya turned Miyu was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, growling and barking at the stranger despite the fact Seth was so much bigger. He raised the gun at the dog. "No! Don't shoot Miyu...please...not my dog," Shinya begged, grabbing onto Seth's arm.

Seth hit Shinya again, knocking him against the back of the couch. "Don't touch me, you fucking faggot, if you want that little piece of shit to live tell it to shut the fuck up," he growled, waving the gun in Miyu's direction.

"M-Miyu, go away, go Miyu!" Shinya tried to sound as stern as possible, and to his relief the dog whimpered and walked down the hall. He looked back at Seth and bit his lip. He pulled a notebook out of his bag and grabbed a pen. "What do you want this for?"

"I'll ask the questions. Sit," he ordered, pointing to a chair with his gun. Shinya sat down and looked at him. Seth pressed the gun to his head and he whimpered, dropping the pen on the table, his hands shaking. "You're going to write a note to the rest of your band mates, you're going to write you're suicide note."

"What?" Shinya gasped, staring at him, his mouth agape.

Seth rolled his eyes and jammed the barrel of the gun into Shinya's mouth. Shinya's eyes began tear up, his hands shaking violently, sobbing audible behind the barrel of the gun. "Do what I say, got it?" he spat, shoving the barrel a little deeper into Shinya's mouth and then withdrawing it.

Shinya coughed, his face and eyes red, he forced himself to grab the pen and flip to an empty page in the notebook. With the gun barrel in his back, he began to write, struggling to keep from shaking. He had to get a message across to the band, to let them know he wasn't going to commit suicide, but with Seth standing over his shoulder he was unsure of what to do. He had to do anything he could, if he died today, they needed to know he didn't take his life.

"Alone in my room my heart beat screams, don't kid yourself and don't fool yourself. I am addicted to the perceived fate. I am alone as I linger on to this fate. Don't kid yourself and don't wound yourself. Deep within the hell of my heart...I can't go back. A self-tortured loser, not being able to see tomorrow...Suicide is proof of life," Seth read aloud. "Very poetic, Mr. Terachi, I did not think you would put that much heart into your own fake suicide note."

Shinya, shaking, put the pen down, praying that they would find the note and get the message right away.

"Get up, Mr. Terachi, you're going to hell today," Seth laughed, pressing the gun harder into Shinya's back.

As Shinya was led out, he began to sob. He had that feeling again, that something was going to go terribly wrong, he knew he was going to die. And now was the only time he had ever regretted doing something, he regretted never telling Kyo how he felt. He was going to die, and his emotions would forever be a mystery to the man he loved. 'I'm so sorry,' he thought, wishing he could speak to Kyo...just one last time.


	5. Chapter 5

"Mr. Niimura, you must be more careful next time, I understand you like to have fun, but you must limit yourself to such activities, at least until the last week your stitches are required," the doctor said as he placed a piece of gauze over the re-stitched stitches and taped it to Kyo's skin. He walked towards the door and paused before departing. "Come in next week so we can see your progress, alright?"

Kyo nodded, leaning back and intertwining his fingers behind his head. He couldn't stop thinking about what had happened, he kissed Shinya! It all seemed too good to be true; it seemed all too much like a fantasy, a scene from a romance novel, perhaps. But he played it over and over again in his head and each time it all lead up to the kiss that he had so longed to share with Shinya. Just thinking about it filled Kyo with butterflies and excited him greatly.

"Kyo?" He sat up and watched Kaoru and Die walk in, both of them looking tired and pale, but nonetheless happy to see him well. "How are you?" Die asked, his eyes on the bloody shirt on the ground.

"Fine, me and Shinya were just messing around and half the stitches tore open. By the way, have you seen Shinya? He was supposed to be here half an hour ago," Kyo said, hopping off the doctor table.

"Yoshiki sent Toshiya to your house to go get him around fifteen minutes ago, they should be here any minute," Kaoru said, looking at his watch. He looked up at Kyo and smiled. "What's with you?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" Kyo asked, walking back and forth in the room, still smiling widely, a dreamy look in his eyes as he played over and over the situation with Shinya. He simply could not let go of it, even though Shinya had not spoken a word of it, Kyo felt as though Shinya loved him. Shinya never let on that he was gay, nor did he let on that he was in love with Kyo, but that didn't matter. All that mattered was he loved Kyo and Kyo loved him.

"You look...happy," Kaoru laughed. "I mean, you just tore your stitches open, bled all over, and just had a needle and thread go in and out of your skin about ten times, yet look happier than I've ever seen you."

"That's a secret, Kao-chan," he giggled.

"Am I hearing things? I think Kyo just said '-chan'," Die said with false astonishment. "Something is definitely wrong with him. Maybe he's constipated." That got a laugh out of all three of them.

Kaoru looked at his watch again and walked to the door and opened it, peering out for either Toshiya or Shinya. "I see Toshiya--" he stopped. "But Shinya isn't with him...he's crying..."

Toshiya pushed past him as he walked in, sobbing uncontrollably, a letter in his shaking hands. He plopped down on a chair, tears continuing to flow down his cheeks.

"Toshiya...What is it?" Die asked, stepping towards him. "Where's Shinya?"

"Blood...on the wall and floor..." he sobbed, holding out the letter. "I looked everywhere...he wasn't there."

Kyo snatched the letter and unfolded it and read aloud. "Dear friends and band mates, I have felt this way for so long, alone and worthless, but I hid my feelings from all of you. Of late I've come to realize there is something wrong with, I should have never been born, I am too different from everyone else. So I write this to you to tell you that I will soon no longer be with you on this earth. I am going to take my life tonight, for this world was never meant for me.

"Alone in my room my heart beat screams, don't kid yourself and don't fool yourself. I am addicted to the perceived fate. I am alone as I linger on to this fate. Don't kid yourSelf and don't wound yourself. Deep within the hell of my heart...I can't go back. A sElf-tortured loser, not being able to see tomorrow...suicide is proof of life. I know I won't be missed, for I never was liked, buT I would like to say, even though the same feeling are never to be returned: I love all of you and I hold you all very dear to my Heart, especially the man I shared a very special moment with today. I love you. Now I am to become a faint memory that will eventually be blown away like dust in the wind," Kyo fell to his knees, having been strong the entire time while reading the letter, but he could no longer hold back the emotion. He buried his face in his hands and began to sob, millions of thoughts flooding into his head. "No Shinya...don't let this be true...no..." he whispered in a voice barely audible to himself.

"Shinya...oh god--"Die covered his mouth suddenly feeling sick and rushed over to the sink and began to vomit. Kaoru, struggling to hold back his emotions, pulled Die's hair out of his face with one hand and the other balled into a fist. Die turned on the faucet and rinsed his face, trying to hide his tears. He stepped away from the sink, drying his face with his shirt. "This is my fault," he sobbed, "I picked on him too much. This is all my fault."

"It--It's not your fault," Kaoru told him, beginning to lose control of his emotions as well.  
"It's too sudden...he would never do this..." Kyo whispered to himself, wiping his eyes and grabbing the letter, running his eyes over it, the words seeming familiar to him. He read the letter again and knew why they were so familiar, a whole paragraph was just lyrics. He stared at them, seeing the lyrics were from Kodou and The Final, but something else was strange about it. In the last two paragraphs certain letters were capitalized in the middle of the sentence. "Guys...look at this," he said, forcing himself to stand and he placed the letter on the counter near the sink.

Kaoru, being the only one who still had some control over his grief, walked over to Kyo and looked at the letter. "What is it?" he asked, his eyes beginning to tear up as he read the letter for himself.

"These parts, they're lyrics...and the letters, they're capitalized...they shouldn't be," Kyo said, pointing to them on the letter.

"Kyo, it's a suicide letter, Shinya wouldn't care about grammatical errors if he was telling us he wants to kill himself," Kaoru said, staring at Kyo oddly.

"No, Kaoru...there has to be something behind this," Kyo said, refusing to believe that Shinya would take his own. He didn't want to believe that Shinya would do something so sudden, especially after their kiss, he knew Shinya wouldn't want to kill himself. He looked again at the capitalized letters, running his finger along the page.

"'S'...'E'...'T'...'H'" he said out loud and gasped, "Shinya isn't going to kill himself!"  
Die and Toshiya looked up, their eyes red and puffy, mouths agape, and Kaoru stared at him strangely. "Look, the letters, they spell 'Seth'...that's the American man who has been stalking Shinya, he isn't going to kill himself--" he stopped, gulping as it dawned on him. "The American will."

"You really thought my words were an empty threat? You are incredibly foolish, Mr. Yoshiki, incredibly foolish. And you still don't believe me? I have Mr. Terachi, talk to him!" Seth thrust the phone Shinya's ear.

"Yoshiki?" Shinya asked in a frightened whisper. "Please help me, Yoshiki, I don't want to die. He's going to kill me, help me, please--"

"Shinya? Are you all right? Where are you?" Yoshiki asked, sounding frantic.

"I...I'm at my house, please--" Seth kicked Shinya in the stomach and drew the phone away from his ear.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing!? You try something like that again, gray matter is going to be all over the wall!" Seth shouted angrily, walking into the other room with the phone.

Shinya moaned, trying to catch his breath, his muscles sore and aching from before. He had tried to escape earlier, opening the window to get out onto the balcony where he would be able to climb down the fire escape, but he had only managed to get halfway out the window before Seth caught him. He was yanked back in and when the window slammed shut it shattered, and Seth had hit him several times, calling it a lesson to be learned. He tied Shinya's arms and legs together as a way to keep him from trying to escape again.

He had been eyeing a large shard of glass on the floor before Seth came in, talking on the phone with Yoshiki. Shinya felt before that there was some sort of deal between the two, but his suspicions had never been confirmed before. He reached over, his eyes on the corner of the hallway, watching and waiting for Seth to return. He grabbed the shard of glass and bent his wrist painfully against the taught rope and moved the shard back and forth at an angle to cut through the thick rope. He winced as the glass jabbed into his palm over and over as he ran it back and forth over the rope, the entire time keeping his eyes on the hallway.

"Damn that fucking Jap," he heard Seth mumble and he placed the glass down beside him and drew his knees up to his chest, placing his bound hands behind his legs to hide what had already had cut of the rope. He watched the American walk towards him with a cylindrical tube in his hand. He ran his thumb along the side of it and a large blade flipped out from within it, looking almost a rusty color. "Hm, your lover's blood is still on this. I never did get the chance to clean it. If I stabbed you with this, it would be like he's inside you, it'd be like you two fucked before you die," he laughed, waving the knife in front of Shinya.

"Why are you doing this?" Shinya asked softly, avoiding Seth's eyes.

"Because I hate you fucking Japs," Seth growled, pressing the tip of the knife against Shinya's neck and pressing down hard.

Shinya clenched his fists, determined not to cry out. "Why...why then are you and Yoshiki constantly taking about money?" he forced out. Seth gave him an angry glare, 'Oh god, what have I done? I've upset him...' Shinya thought, his stomach twisting into knots.

Seth's angry glare suddenly turned to an eerie smile. "I supposed I can tell you, you are going to die anyway. I am hit man. Mr. Yoshiki, I am not sure if he informed the band, but their was a decrease in CD sales, your appearance in magazines had decreased, so Mr. Yoshiki contacted me to "stalk" all of Dir en grey, and within a few days he would release the news to the public and once again Dir en grey would be in the headlines," he laughed, "Like your shit for a band would ever be popular, but Mr.Yoshiki had his hopes, no didn't he?"

"So why are you going to kill me? Did he not pay you enough?"

"No, I just figured I might as well kill you since I have been paid in advance, I like to have fun," he laughed again.

Shinya stared at him, not believing what he had just heard. He had had his suspicions, but they had never been confirmed before hearing what Seth spoke. Yoshiki was the reason he was suffering, Yoshiki was the reason all of this was happening--Yoshiki was the reason he was going to die.

"What are we going to do? We don't know where Shinya is!" Die protested. "If we call the police, they'll search for him, but nothing more. He'll be dead by the time they find him--or at least his body."

Kyo didn't answer, he stared at the ground solemnly, what else could they do? All they knew was Shinya wasn't going to kill himself, that didn't help them one bit. He would still be dead if they couldn't find him in time. He looked up as Toshiya's cell phone rang and he fumbled around in his pocket, pulling out his phone along with his car keys, falling unnoticeably onto the floor.

"Moshi-moshi?" he answered in a shaky voice. "Yoshiki! Shinya, he's been--" He listened for a moment, nodding slowly. "I will, I will. Good bye, Yoshiki."

"Well?" Kaoru asked, "What was that about."

"He received a phone call from the American asking for fifty thousand dollars...for each of us. He says if he doesn't get the money by midnight, he is going to kill Shinya...and then come after us. Yoshiki is going to the police station before the American can do anything to Shinya," Toshiya explained.

"But he doesn't know where Shinya and the American are!" Die complained.

"Yes they do, Yoshiki had a chance to speak with Shinya, they are at his house."

Kyo bent down and grabbed Toshiya's car keys and stood, "I'm going to get Shinya," he said, walking towards the door.

Kaoru grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. "Are you insane? If you go there you'll get killed, let the police handle this," he said firmly.

"By the time the police get their he'll already be dead!" Kyo growled and walked out of the room, walking quickly down the hall, his mind racing. He broke into a run, shoving past people in the hall and in the lobby until he reached the parking lot, glancing around wildly until he saw Toshiya's car. He rushed over to it, unlocked the door and hopped in, starting the engine and speeding off down the road, the tires shrieking.

"I'm gonna kill him, I swear it, he's gonna regret the day he messed with this band," Kyo growled, speeding through a red light and spinning the wheel violently as he turned the corner. He cell phone rang and he snatched it from his pocket, looking at the screen.

"What do you want Kaoru?"

"Kyo, get back here," he demanded, trying to speak over the sobbing in the back round. "We're not going to lose you too, he'll kill you and Shinya if you go."

Kyo didn't answer for a moment, realizing that, despite the fact he was being so stern, Kaoru sounded as though he had just been crying. "Please, don't go—" Kyo rolled down his window and threw the phone out of it, already sick of Kaoru's pleading for him to come back. He brought the car to screeching halt in front of Shinya's apartment building and pulled the keys out of the ignition, jamming them in his pocket. He rushed inside—he was going to save Shinya, even if he had do die trying.

"If you hate Japanese people so much, why can you speak our language?" Shinya asked, finally having the courage to speak.

"Think of this way, if I have Japs hiring me to kill other Japs, I'm getting what I want. I can kill all you little fuckers I want and get paid for it too," Seth laughed, placing his knife on the table with his gun and walking into the kitchen around the corner.

Shinya lowered his legs and reached over for the shard of glass and began to saw away at the ropes again. He listened intently for the sound of footsteps. As he felt the rope snap he heard footsteps, but not from the hardwood of his kitchen; it sounded like…metal. He looked up at the broken window and watched a shirtless blonde haired man crawl through and step down silently onto the floor. Shinya gasped and Kyo slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Shh," he said, moving to untie Shinya's feet.

"What are you doing? How did you get here?" Shinya asked in a whisper.

"I crawled out the window of that lady who lives beneath you onto the fire escape and climbed up here, damn was she pissed," he whispered as he pulled apart the ropes. He bit his lip when he looked at Shinya's face, bruised badly once again, blood dripping from his forehead where a piece of skin hung over. "Come on, let's go."

They both stood up and Kyo motioned for Shinya to go through the window first. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Shinya spun around and saw Seth walking toward them.

"You bastard!" Kyo spat at him, walking toward the American. Kyo punched him in the face, balling his fists in anticipation of a counter attack. He ducked as Seth brought his left arm around and swung at his face again, but Seth moved out of the way and moved behind Kyo, wrapping his arm around his neck and squeezing down tight. Kyo's eyes began water as he gasped repeatedly and received no oxygen, clawing at Seth's arm. He slammed his elbow into Seth's ribs as hard as he could, forcing him to stumble back and release him.

Shinya watched Kyo bend over gasping and spin around to face Seth, bringing up his arm to block Seth's punch, but the American drew back his hand and punched Kyo in the stomach with the other hand. Shinya reached over and grabbed the knife off of the table, wanting to help Kyo but feeling so frightened he didn't want to move. He watched Kyo clutch his stomach, bent over painfully from the stitches; Seth's punch having hit him right on the wound.

Seth grabbed Kyo's head and slammed it down into the table over and over again until Kyo collapsed, blood dripping down between his eyes, moaning. He grabbed the gun off the table and cocked it, pointing the gun at his head. "Say 'sayonara' to your 'koibito', Mr. Terachi," he said.

"No!" Shinya cried and rushed forward with the knife. Seth spun around and Shinya buried the blade deep in his chest, all the way to the handle and then he heard a gun shot.  
Kyo, moaning, rolled onto his back and looked up at the American, who was staring down the handle of a knife sticking out of his chest in shock. He looked at Shinya, dropping the gun. "You fucking Jap—" he collapsed to the ground, his eyes rolling in back of his head. Then Kyo looked at Shinya, who stumbled backward and collapsed, his hand over his stomach, his eyes wide in shock.

Kyo crawled over to him, feeling dizzy, his vision fading in and out. "I—I killed someone, Kyo," he whispered, his eyes beginning to tear up.

"He was evil, Shinya, you did good," Kyo said, wiping the blood from his face. He looked at Shinya's hand, covering his stomach; nimbly he lifted Shinya's hand and gasped when he saw blood seeping through his white shirt, a bullet hole in his shirt. "He shot you…"

"It's not that bad…just call an ambulance," Shinya tried to look strong for Kyo, but in truth he was in excruciating pain and things were beginning to look hazy. He coughed, blood splattering on his lips. His vision was beginning to blur, Kyo's face no longer decipherable to him. "Kyo…incase I die, I want to tell you—" He let out a small moan of pain and suddenly fell limp.

Kyo's look suddenly turned to fear, his eyes growing wide and welling with tear. "Shinya, wake up. Wake up! Please don't die…please," Kyo sobbed. He grabbed the back of the couch, sobbing and struggling to stand—he needed to call an ambulance. As he stepped forward everything turned black and Kyo felt himself falling…


	6. Chapter 6

_Kyo's look suddenly turned to fear, his eyes growing wide and welling with tear. "Shinya, wake up. Wake up! Please don't die…please," Kyo sobbed. He grabbed the back of the couch, sobbing and struggling to stand—he needed to call an ambulance. As he stepped forward everything turned black and Kyo felt himself falling…_

_  
He heard his own laughter, high pitched and eerie echoing all around him, the image of Shinya lying on the ground, not moving, blood continuing to stain the entire front of his shirt flashed in his mind. "Kyo…Kyo" he heard the words over and over again, Shinya's voice calling to him in a whisper. He struck the ground unharmed and everything became clear. He was inside Shinya's apartment, blood and graffiti stained the walls, the furniture was torn up and ragged, cobwebs going from the arm to the floor with enormous spiders waiting to catch their prey. The ceiling was falling apart and had a strange black liquid dripping atop the smashed in television set, all the lights in the house were shattered with glass everywhere; the only light source being a single light candle._

_  
Kyo grabbed the candle and walked into Shinya's bedroom, a terribly smell emanating from the center of the room where the bed was, something clearly beneath the covers. He when over and lifted the covers back, dropping the candle in shock. Shinya's rotting corpse lie on the bed, the flesh a bluish grey color, large chunks of skin having rotted away leaving exposed dried muscle that too began to rot. His clothes were tattered and blood stained, his finger if he had suffered greatly before he died. Kyo looked away from the sight, feeling as though he would vomit. _

_  
He stumbled towards the door, but a huge gust of wind slammed the door shut, all the light was gone. Kyo turned around, watching a strange misty glow rise up from Shinya's body and form into a transparent greenish form of the deceased drummer, his features once again restored, blemish free. He stepped towards Kyo silently, his face emotionless.  
"Shinya," Kyo whispered, taking a step away from the apparition._

_  
"You left me to die, Kyo," Shinya said, his voice echoing eerily. "I thought you loved me, that you would protect me, but you let me die to save yourself."_

_  
Kyo took another step back, staring at Shinya in fear. "I tried, Shinya, but I couldn't—"  
"No excuses!" the apparition yelled, the voice so loud Kyo's ears rang, the voice seeming amplified and echoing in an array of different tones and pitches that almost sounded like a scream. "You let me die, Niimura Tooru! You let me die so you could continue on with your pathetic life. As if you ever loved me!"_

_  
"Shinya…I do love you…please…believe me," Kyo whispered, backing himself into the wall, shaking in fear. Shinya reached out and wrapped his fingers around Kyo's neck, digging his fingernails into his skin until he bled. Kyo clawed at his hands, his eyes watering from lack of oxygen. "Shinya…please!"_

_  
"Kyo…I want you to die with me, you are coming to hell…" Shinya growled, his face slowing deteriorating into the rotting image it was on the bed, blood pouring from his eyes and mouth and squeezed down harder, his fingertips breaking into Kyo's skin. "You are coming to hell with me!"_

Toshiya shook Kyo vigorously as he screamed, flailing around wildly in the hospital bed. "Kyo! Wake up, Kyo!" he shouted, using all his strength to keep Kyo from falling out of the bed. "Kaoru!" he called.

Kaoru rushed in and helped push Kyo down into the bed, surprised by how strong he was. He pressed the nurse button repeatedly on the side of the bed. "Kyo! Stop it! Wake up, god dammit!" he shouted. Kyo's eyes popped open, looking around wildly, still struggling against them. The look in his eyes was of pure terror, and despite the fact he was awake he was still screaming indecipherably and fighting against them.

The nurse rushed in with a syringe and two more nurses came in to help hold him down. She stabbed the needle into his skin and injected the liquid, pulling it out and placing on the nightstand beside the bed. "I'll get Moheru-sensei," one of them said and walked out of the room with the other two nurses.

Kaoru watched Kyo sink into his pillow, his gasping returning to normal paced breathing, his eyes half shut; the sedative was clearing working. He looked at Kyo's hand, the IV having been torn from his skin in his struggle, a tiny bit of blood dripping from it.

Toshiya sat back down beside Kyo's bed and brushed his hair out of his face. "How's Shinya doing?" Toshiya asked, sighing heavily, his foot tapping lightly against the tile floor.

"He's still unresponsive, and the treatments aren't helping, and he still needs to breathe through a tube," Kaoru sighed, taking a seat beside Toshiya. "All of this happened because Kyo went to try and rescue Shinya. If he had let the police handle this—"

"Then Shinya might be dead right now," Toshiya cut in. "He is alive, isn't he? If it weren't for Kyo, the American would've taken off with the money and left Shinya for dead."

"Shinya is practically dead now, Totchi, he can't even breath on his own! Didn't you read the report? The bullet was shot at an angle and it pierced one of his lungs; his chance of living is very slim, it wouldn't have mattered. But Kyo had to go and for all we know he is going crazy and keeps slipping in and out of a comatose!" Kaoru buried his face in his hands, frustrated. "For some reason I can't help but think this is my fault. I'm the leader; I should've been playing a more active role. I could've prevented this."

"Relax, Kaoru, none of this was your fault, so don't blame yourself. Hey, where's Die?" Toshiya asked, trying to get Kaoru's mind off of his guilt trip.

"He went to the police station to find out what happened to the America," Kaoru said, looking up as the door opened a short balding man walked in with a clipboard in his hand and a pen in the other. He stood up and walked over to the doctor, shaking hands with him.

"Niikura-san, I presume?" he asked, walking over to Kyo's bed as the singer fell into his deep sleep once again.

"Yes, Moheru-sensei…what is happening to him, he's done this nearly twice a day for the past five days since he woke up," Kaoru asked, staring at Kyo's sleeping face, beaded with sweat.

"Night terrors and we think from the head trauma he suffered he is experiencing hallucinations," Moheru explained. "The night terrors explain why he keeps waking up screaming, and the hallucinations keep him inside the dream he was having that caused the night terrors, so even though he is awake his mind, visual image, and hearing are distorted to the dream that plagues him."

"Is it permanent?" Toshiya asked.

"Highly unlikely, it is probably due to the multiple blunt blows he received to the head. Since he was comatose for a week and has been slipping in and out of consciousness the past few days, I would like to say within a day or two the swelling will have reduced enough for him to function properly with no hallucinations...if his condition continues we may have to move him to the psychiatric ward."

"And what about Shinya?" Kaoru asked, somewhat hesitantly.

Moheru sighed and tapped his clipboard on the rail of Kyo's hospital bed. "Terachi-san shows little if any improvement, we have done our best to close up the whole in his lung and drained all the liquid from it, but for some reason his breathing has not been stabilized. He simply cannot breathe without the machine. This discovery lowers his chances of survival even more than it already has," he explained. "Oh, and Niikura-san…I would like to discuss with you in private some papers Terachi-san filled out a while back."

_Kyo sat in the park, the sun shining bright in the sky, children playing four squares with a plastic bouncy ball. Along one of the benches parallel to him sat a woman, bouncing a baby in her lap. It was a beautiful day and Kyo was merely enjoying the fact screaming fans were not all over him once again. One of the children playing four square missed the play and started running to catch it. "Hey mister! Can you get that for me?" the boy asked as the ball landed at the feet of a tall man, his face hidden beneath the hood of his jacket._

_  
He walked towards the boy, holding his arms out. As he passed the little boy silently, Kyo watched the boy crumple to ground. He stood up, trying to get a better view of the strange man as he walked passed more children and they all, as son as he passed by them, fell to the ground, not moving, not breathing. And the man kept walking until he reached the bench parallel to Kyo with the child and the woman. He walked past them and the wood groaned beneath the two, pieces of it falling off until it gave way beneath their weight, but it didn't matter, the mother's face was sunken in and a strange purple color, blood dripping from her eyes and mouth, her skin wrinkled and pressing against her bones, she was dead before she hit the ground. _

_  
As the man approached him Kyo took a step back, his legs bumping against the bench he had sat on. "Stay away from me!" Kyo shouted._

_  
"You never said that in any of your fantasies about me!" the man hissed, lifting his head to reveal a battered, rotting face. _

_  
"Shinya…what happened to you?" Kyo gasped._

_  
"I don't know, Niimura, maybe this is what happens to you when you're dead and rotting in the ground!" he growled, stepping closer and watching Kyo cower in fear. "Oh, don't worry, 'my love', I won't kill you like I did them—your death will be as painful as mine!"  
"Why are you doing this?" the singer asked in a whisper._

_  
"Because you let me die!" Shinya shouted and he punched Kyo in the face with such strength he sent Kyo to the ground. He walked over and placed his boot on Kyo's chest and pulled out a gun and pointed it at Kyo's chest._

_  
"Shinya…please don't do this…I didn't let you die," he begged, tears in his eyes._

_  
"Today is a fine day, wouldn't you say? A fine day to go to hell," Shinya said, laughing as he pulled the trigger. _

"No!" Kyo cried, bolting up in the bed, gasping. He looked around, seeing white walls, a television, a nightstand by his bed with a small lamp on it, and two chairs beside his bed. He climbed out of the bed and tried to walk forward, but the IV pulled against his skin and he tore it out of his hand. 'How did I get in a hospital?' he asked him, stumbling forward. He stopped and stood still for a moment, his legs weak. Walked outside the door, gripping the chair rail along the wall and looked across the hall, seeing Kaoru standing by the doorway of a room with a doctor.

He stumbled across the hall into the room and stared in shock at Shinya, battered, unmoving in the hospital bed. A tube was attached to a machine and when into his mouth and oxygen went to his nose as well. He had stitches in his forehead and his face looked as though it was healing from all the cuts and bruises. Kyo looked at Toshiya, who was crying, and Die had his head bowed low, looking solemn. Yoshiki was shaking, but behind his sunglasses Kyo was unable to tell if he was crying.

"What is going on here?" he asked.

Everyone's attention turned to Kyo. Kaoru looked at him sadly. "Kyo, it's good to see you're awake," he said with false happiness.

"What is happening?" he asked, walking toward Shinya's bed.

"Kyo…Shinya signed some papers that said if he was in a state in which he needed life support, if improvement wasn't shown with two weeks…he wanted the doctors to pull the plug," Kaoru explained, placing a hand on Kyo's shoulder.

Kyo spun around and stared at him for a moment in shock. "How many days does he have left?" he asked hesitantly. 'Shinya you idiot!' he thought, 'what if you're not well enough by the end of two weeks?'

"Two weeks was up three days ago," Kaoru said softly. "That is why we are all here…to be with Shinya before he dies."

"Can I be alone for a minute?" Kyo asked, staring at the floor, trying to overcome his emotions. When no one left he shouted, "Can I have one fucking minute alone?!"

The doctor nodded at the others and they all the left the room, leaving Kyo alone. He walked over to where Shinya lie and stared down at his body for a moment. "Hey, Shinya. I know you can respond, so just listen. Even though we've had to deal with the American, spending the time with you that I had the last few days was fun, and I don't think I'll ever have the same experiences with someone as I had you. Little things annoyed me about you, but over time I had come to love them about you. It what made you…well, you. Like you were always so shy, and manners and etiquette seemed to mean the world to you. At first I never thought I could ever come to stand you, but I was wrong. And I never thought you could raise your fist at anyone, but right now you're like this…because you saved me. I don't want to lose you Shinya, but this what you want…I just want you to know that I loved you and if you were to live through this…" Kyo began to choke up and wiped the beginning of tears from his eyes. "I love you, Shinya, I have for the longest time. I'm going to miss you." He leaned over and kissed Shinya's cheek.

Kyo stood there, staring at Shinya sadly as Kaoru walked back in and he placed his hands on Kyo shoulders. "Kyo, I'm sorry—" he began, but Kyo only walked away from him and moved to the back of the room. The doctor moved forward and took the tube out from beneath Shinya's nose and removed the tube from inside Shinya's mouth.

Kyo began to sob and turned away from the sight and Kaoru held him tightly, beginning to cry as well. He had loved Shinya so much, and they both knew it, but never again could they have a snowball fight, or just sit down and talk…never again could they play a concert. He looked back at the doctor, teary eyed and watched the doctor place his hand firmly on the machine that kept Shinya alive, his life support—and then he pulled the plug.


	7. Chapter 7

Kyo looked away from Shinya's bed, he didn't want to watch the man he loved die. He had been so hopeful, so excited that after the kiss they shared they could perhaps live together, they could treat each others like lovers, but not anymore, Shinya was dying only a few feet away from him and he could do nothing about it. He glanced back at Shinya with blurry eyes and watched the doctor rush over to the drummer's motionless body, placing a stethoscope against his chest and listening for a moment. Kaoru released Kyo and walked towards the doctor. "What is it, Moheru-sensei?" he asked, looking down at Shinya.

"Listen," he said, handing the stethoscope to Kaoru. He put it on and placed it against Shinya's chest, staring at the doctor wide eyed. "He's still breathing, on his own."

Kyo looked at Kaoru with hopeful eyes. "We have to hook him back up to the machine," the doctor told a nurse. "Lessen his oxygen intake by twenty percent to make his lungs stronger and up the dosage of his medication. Niikura-san, I'd like to say congratulations! You're friend's chances of living have just now been increased."

The minute Kyo heard those words he smiled through his tears and hugged Toshiya, overjoyed. Shinya was going to live! He knew Shinya was strong, and he had had his doubts that Shinya would pull through, but the drummer did despite his doubts, and he was breathing on his own. "Kyo, why are you still crying?" Toshiya asked, breaking away from the hug, his tears having been wiped from his face.

"I'm just so happy," Kyo said, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Well, don't cry, because Shinya is going to live," Toshiya said with a big smile.

Kyo sat next to Shinya's bed, still in his hospital gown. The hospital didn't want to release him yet, saying there was still some swelling that would leave him disoriented. He stared at Shinya, his face looking so peaceful and relaxed, expect for the breathing mask that cover the lower half of his face. He still couldn't believe Shinya was going to live, when Kaoru had told him that the drummer was going to be taken off life support, he thought he wouldn't be able to live without the man who gave him butterflies.

He reached out and brushed the hair out of Shinya's face. Despite the large cut across his forehead, Shinya was as beautiful as ever, so calm and angelic. He wanted Shinya to wake up so badly, to wake up and say he would be okay and they could be together without any worries. He sighed and looked at the clock, seeing that it was nearly midnight, and that was when he would get his medication. If he wasn't there the nurse would yell at him again.

For the past two days he had been going to Shinya's room, praying that he would wake up. The nurses often yelled at him for not being in his room and for spending so much time in the room, but he didn't care. He felt that maybe, just maybe, Shinya could hear him and sense he was there and that would bring him back to consciousness. Thinking such thoughts made Kyo scoff at himself, but after forcing himself to admit he loved Shinya trying to deny and push away his feeling had become nearly impossible. Some part of him always brought up that he had his doubts about his feelings and because of that part of him he can no longer deny himself of anything.

He stood up and paused, biting his lip. He wanted to kiss Shinya, like one of those fairy tales when the handsome prince would come riding in on a valiant steed and kiss the damsel in distress and she would instantly be healed or wake up. He laughed silently to himself, trying to image Shinya as the damsel in distress and himself as the handsome prince. Some fairy tale! Even though he hated admitting it, he was short and would fall off his valiant steed, and Shinya would poke fun at him; no doubt Shinya would have his hair hanging adorably around his face, standing in a stunningly beautiful dress. Again Kyo laughed, imagining himself and Shinya as fairy tale lovers—how ridiculous!

But the thought of kissing Shinya intrigued him greatly, maybe, just like a fairy tale, it would work. He walked back over to Shinya's bed and hesitantly lifted the breathing mask and slowly lowered his lips to Shinya's. He pulled away after a few seconds, placing the mask back on his face and walked towards the door. He took one last look at Shinya before he went back to his room, at the sleeping beauty he loved so much.

Kyo leaned back in his bed. "So I can leave today?" he asked as the nurse removed the IV from his flesh and placed a band-aid over the small puncture wound.

"Yes, Niimura-san, you can get dressed now and check yourself out," he said, standing up. "Oh, and just so you remember, come in next week so we can monitor how your healing."

Kyo nodded, hopping off the bed and going to the closet to grab his clothes. The doctor left the room and Kyo quickly stripped off his gown. He picked up his pants and—  
"Moheru-sensei! Moheru-sensei!" Kyo heard from the hallway. "It's about Terachi-san! He's woken up!"

The singer stood there for a moment, taking him amount to process the words. He dropped his pants and flung open the door, rushing across the hall into Shinya's room were two nurses stood and Moheru-sensei. He stared in shock as he saw Shinya shifting uncomfortably in the bed, sitting against a pillow. He spotted Kyo and started laughing.

"Kyo, are you awa—"

Kyo rushed forward and threw his arms around Shinya. "You reckless bastard," he whispered.

Shinya sat there for a moment and smiled warmly, wrapping his arms around the singer. He had been awake since morning, and it had taken him some time to sit up, his muscles feeling weak, but he did so and when the nurse came in she dropped all she held and called for the doctor. He didn't remember much or long he had been out, but he did remember his dreams. He dreamt of past concerts, Die messing with him backstage, moments he had shared with Kyo, and his last dream was by far the most wonderful one he had had. He was sleeping in a bed and Kyo crept into the room and bent down to kiss him, waking him up in the middle of the kiss and it ended with the two spending a long night together.

Thinking about the dream made Shinya blush profusely as he hugged Kyo and he pulled away. "Niimura-san, I would like it if you could leave until I evaluate Terachi-san's condition," Moheru-sensei said.

Kyo scowled at him and looked back at Shinya. "It's alright Kyo, I'll call you back in," Shinya said.

Reluctantly, Kyo walked out the door and went to his room to get dressed. He grabbed the bag the others had brought him with his clothing. He looked through the bag and pulled out his clothes, seeing that Kaoru had been nice enough to retrieve two full sets of clothing for him. He slipped off his boxers and grabbed the two pairs of pants, trying to decide which ones he wanted to wear. Suddenly the door opened and Shinya walked in, leaning against the wall holding a cane weakly in his hand. "Moheru-sensei said I could go—" he stopped, his eyes growing wide.

"Shinya get the fuck out!" Kyo shouted, throwing a pair of pants by the door, placing a hand over his crotch. Shinya stepped out and slammed the door behind him, leaning against the wall, listening through the door to Kyo swearing repeatedly. He managed a grin and laughed as he thought of Kyo's face as he had entered the room. The doctor had said his lungpower was still a little weak but would grow over time, and his motor skills would be a little sluggish at first, but other than that he would be fine. Shinya wondered why Moheru-sensei looked so…shocked when he woke up.

Kyo walked out of the room fully dressed, his face bright red. "What did you want?" he grumbled.

"The doctor said I could be released and I was wondering if you had any spare clothes for me to wear, or at least a shirt," he asked, trying not to laugh.

"Yeah, what about pants?" Kyo asked as he walked back over to the bag and pulled out his spare shirt, holding it up. "Ugh, this would be too small for you, let me give you mine." He pulled his shirt up over his head and handed it to Shinya.

Shinya stared at the stitches across Kyo's stomach. "Do they still hurt?" he asked quietly.  
"It's a little sore but I think that's because I might have torn them again and they stitched me up while I was out," he said as Shinya took off the hospital gown and put the shirt on.  
"Kyo, can you go get my jeans? They're sitting on a chair inside my room," Shinya asked, trying to pull down the shirt so it would cover his entire torso.

Kyo walked into the room and walked over to the chair where Shinya's bloodied shirt lie and his pants along with his bag hanging off the corner of the chair. He grabbed the jeans and the bag and walked back across the hall to the room. He walked in and saw Shinya staring at the empty syringes on the nightstand beside Kyo's hospital bed. "What were these for?" he asked.

"I had some…difficulties," he said, unsure how to explain it and somewhat embarrassed by the fact he was having hallucinations and night terrors about Shinya. "I had to be restrained…never mind that, get dressed so we can leave."

Shinya got out of the car, carrying his bag and Kyo got out as well, and they walked up the walkway to Kyo's front door. He set his bag down near the door when they walked in and looked around, spotting his notebook on the table. He walked over and picked it up before Kyo could notice and placed it in his bag. "You alright being here, Shinya?" Kyo asked. He was concerned that this place would…haunt the drummer, so to speak.

"I'm fine, just thinking," Shinya said.

"About what?"

"Why the hospital would feel the need to sedate you," Shiny said in a nervous tone. "I mean, I know you can be rude and unruly, but not to the point where they feel it necessary to drug you just to calm you down. Would you mind telling me what happened?"

Kyo plopped himself down on the couch and sighed. "Well, you know what happened at your house, how the American repeatedly hit my head? It caused…damage or something, as he explained it. I had bad dreams…like night terrors…and I had hallucinations that made me a little…violent towards the others. I was told I was trying to fight them off."

"Well, what did you dream about? What did you see in your hallucinations?" Shinya asked, sounding concerned.

"You…but not in a good way, I thought you were dead, and in my dreams you came back to kill me, because you said I was the reason why you were dead, I blamed myself so you would come back and murder me in the most grotesque ways," Kyo said quietly, bowing his head as if ashamed of himself.

"But Kyo, it wasn't your fault," Shinya said. "Why would you blame yourself for what I did?" He placed his fingers beneath Kyo's chin and forced him to look up, and when Shinya saw his face he stared in shock. Tears stained his cheeks and his eyes were already red. "Kyo…" He leaned forward instinctively and kissed Kyo on the cheek. He pulled away, surprised in himself for the bold action. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—well…I did…but—"

Kyo wrapped his arms around Shinya, pulling them close together. He leaned in slowly, his heart racing and his stomach feeling as though it were being turned upside-down, and tilted his head to the side slightly as their lips met, the very feeling of Shinya's full soft lips against his was so tantalizing Kyo thought he would faint. He parted his lips and slipped his tongue into Shinya's mouth, brushing against Shinya's tongue, sending surges of excitement all throughout his body. He pressed his lips harder to the drummer's, the kiss becoming deeper and more passionate.

Shinya pulled away suddenly. "I can't do this Kyo! I can't!" he said, his eyes looking glossy.

Kyo stared at him for a moment, seeming confused. "What do you mean?" he asked.  
"I can't do this, not with you. Kyo, this relationship, its not right," Shinya said, burying his face in his hands.

"What the fuck do you mean? You didn't seem to have a problem with it before when you kissed me. Back when we were by Yoshiki's house," Kyo snapped.

"But…doing this…it's not right. What would our band mates think? And our families? And our fans? Sure they see a little fan service, but that's all it is! Kyo, I'm sorry, doing this with you, I can't, I can't have a relationship with you," he said, a sob rising in his throat.

"Who gives a damn what our fans or friends or families think. None of them matter, so why give them the time of fucking day if they are going to keep you from being happy?" Kyo growled, feeling hurt by Shinya's words, but after having been through so much with the drummer, having risked his life for each other and facing near impossible obstacles, why would Shinya say such things? It didn't make any sense to Kyo, it only made him angry,

"I care! I'm happy with you Kyo, happier than I've ever been in my entire life, but I can't do it. I just can't, I'm so sorry," he sobbed, his shoulder's bobbing up and down.

"Fuck the fans. Fuck the band, and you know what Shinya, fuck you," Kyo stood up and stormed towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Shinya asked in a shaky voice. "You live here."

"Away from you," Kyo snarled and slammed the door shut behind him, leaving Shinya to sob all alone on the couch.


	8. Chapter 8

Kyo pressed down harder on the gas pedal, no longer keeping track of how fast he was going, his hands squeezing down on the wheel so hard his knuckles were white from lack of blood. He zigzagged in and out of lanes and cars, ignoring the hollers and beeping.

The radio was turned up very high, the noise leaving his ears pounding, but he didn't care. "Why the fuck would he do this to me?" Kyo shouted in anger. _'Because he's scared, he's confused,'_ He told himself.

"If he's so fucking confused and scared why would he push me away, why wouldn't he ask for help?" Kyo growled, staring at his hands. _'Because he doesn't want you to worry anymore about him, he doesn't want to share his feelings. You know how isolated he keeps himself.' _

Kyo laughed to himself. "Great, I'm talking to myself. That bastard must've hit me in the head harder than they thought," he mumbled. He looked back up at the road to see he was in the wrong lane with a large truck speeding his way. He swerved the car away from the truck and he felt it go on two wheels and fall on its side, skidding into a lamppost. When it felt like the car had stopped moving he unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed over the passenger's seat and unrolled the window so he could crawl out the window.

He could see cars stopping to see what had happened. One woman got out of her car, but Kyo began to walk away from the accident before she could approach him. He ignored her calls and continued walking until he reached an overpass, where he sat down beneath it and leaned against the concrete as far away from the speeding cars as he could.

"God dammit, will nothing ever fucking be happy again?" he asked himself. "First that damn American, and the Shinya, and now my car is wrecked…god dammit." He brushed his hair out of his eyes, feeling them burn with hot tears. "Dammit Shinya why the fuck are you doing this to me? Why?" he said through clenched teeth. _'He doesn't know what to do, and that's why he pushed you away. Give him time to think, and then talk to him' _  
"Give him time to think about what?" he asked himself. _'About what's he's doing. If he loves you enough to risk his reputation and possibly his life again to be with you.'_ "God dammit why does he have to do this?" Kyo shouted clutching his head and squeezing his eyes shut. "Why is he doing this to me…why."

Shinya wiped the tears from his eyes and the doorbell and rushed into the bathroom, splashing his face with cold water to try and get rid of his saddened look. He rushed to the door drying his face with the sleeve of Kyo's shirt, pausing as he smelled the sweet cologne. He opened the door and stared at Yoshiki in the doorway, taking off his sunglasses and walking in the house. "Shinya, its so good to see that you're okay!" he said.

Shinya curled his fist into a tight ball and punch Yoshiki in the face, unable to control his anger. The older man stumbled to the side and slowly regained his stance, staring at Shinya in shock. "That is for almost getting me killed!" he shouted, grabbing Yoshiki by the collar and punching him again, "And that is for almost getting Kyo killed!" He punched him on the opposite site of his face once more, "And that is for lying to all of us!"

He let go of Yoshiki's collar and let him stumble into the couch, confused and dazed. Shinya stared at his first, his knuckles red and raw, and then he realized what he had just done. He backed away slowly, his hand over his mouth as he saw Yoshiki pull himself together, his face already beginning to bruise. "Yoshiki…I…" he began.

"No…you're right…I deserve it and more," Yoshiki said, sitting himself down on the couch.

"I'll get you some ice," Shinya mumbled, walking into the kitchen and opening the freezer and grabbing the ice bag. He searched around in the drawers for a while and found a plastic bag and put a few cubs of ice in it and put the ice bag away. As he walked back into the living room he handed the bag to Yoshiki and sat across from him. He gave Yoshiki a solemn look. "He told me everything, the American did, and I need to hear it from you, Yoshiki, why did you do it?" he asked softly.

"There was a drop in sales, photo shoots weren't being scheduled as often, magazines weren't interviewing you. The popularity of Dir en grey was dropping and I figured maybe if you had a stalker it would help your publicity and get you back into the media, but that American, I had no idea—"

"You nearly had me killed so our band could be famous?" Shinya gave him a disbelieving look.

"Shinya, that's not what I meant. When I found you guys and brought you into the media, you all were so happy and when I noticed Dir en grey's fame and popularity was decreasing I didn't want you guys to lose what you had worked so hard over the years for, so I hired the American. He was a man for hire and I specifically asked that he only threaten and do nothing more, I had no idea he was so anti-Japanese, that he would go against my wishes and try to kill you," Yoshiki shook his head. "Shinya, I'm so sorry."

"Do the others know about what you did?" he asked.

"No…I haven't told them," Yoshiki said, sounding shameful. "Shinya…can you please…not tell them?"

"What?" Shinya asked in disbelief. "After putting us through all that suffering your going to pretend that you aren't the reason that Kyo and I almost died? You're just going to pretend nothing you did ever happened? How can you?"

Yoshiki set down the bag of ice and stared at his palms. " You have no idea how much I suffered when you and Kyo were unconscious, and when Kyo's mental health was failing him and you your physical health. I thought I was going to lose you both, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't function knowing that if you died it would be my fault. I didn't want to lose anyone, especially not after hide died, I didn't know what I was going to do if you two died. At that point the money and fame didn't matter, I just blamed myself for everything," he said.

"And do you have any idea how much I suffered? Do have any idea how much pain I was in, I was beaten and cut and shot and I couldn't even breathe, and now you expect me to take pity on your guilty conscience?" Shinya asked incredulously.

"Please Shinya, don't tell them," Yoshiki begged. "I can never be forgiven for what I have put you through, just please don't tell the others."

Shinya looked at Yoshiki's tired face and realized he had been telling the truth about how plagued he had been by the situation. He felt as though he should still be angry, but his anger turned into pity as he stared at the solemn thinned man. Shinya tried to imagine all the emotions that haunted Yoshiki and he simply couldn't stay angry, he couldn't say 'no' to Yoshiki. "I…I won't speak a word of it to them," Shinya sighed. "What happened to the American, by the way?"

"He was dead before the ambulance even reached your house," Yoshiki said and paused, deciding it was best to change the subject. "Where's Kyo?"

"He left. We got into an argument and he went out somewhere," Shinya said softly, biting his lip to hold back his tears. Every time he thought about Kyo saying "fuck you" it seemed to tear his heart in half. It was more painful to hear those words than it had been being shot, the only thing that had helped hold onto hope when he was kidnapped was thinking of Kyo, and to have Kyo angry at him hurt him more than anything the American could have ever done to him.

"Well, don't get too upset, all couples argue," Yoshiki said with a bit of a smile. Shinya stared at him strangely. "Aren't you and Kyo a couple? I saw you two kissing on my lawn, I merely assumed that you two were seeing each other." When Shinya didn't say anything, Yoshiki said, "Shinya, I'm not going to tell anyone, and I'm not against it."  
"I can't be with him," Shinya mumbled softly.

"What do you mean? You love him, don't you?" Yoshiki asked, his look somewhat perplexed.

"I do, but he…our band would be risking a lot wouldn't it, I mean, what if word got out? What would my family think of me, what would our friends think—"

"But what do you think about it?"

Shinya blushed. "I love him, and being away from him tears me apart," he said softly, his voice fading out.

"You've spent your life pleasing others even at the cost of your own happiness, Shinya, do something for yourself. Who cares what people think? And you can always keep it a secret if you want," Yoshiki shrugged. "But Shinya, don't let other people ruin your happiness."

Shinya gulped, realizing that what Kyo was trying to tell him, but Yoshiki reworded it with less profanity. He suddenly felt his heart wrench and his stomach churned, he needed to see Kyo again, he needed to tell him that everything he said before didn't matter, he needed to tell Kyo he loved him. "Yoshiki, will you help me look for Kyo?" Shinya asked.

"Sure, lets go in my car," Yoshiki said, standing up and grabbing his car keys from his pocket.

Shinya went out to the car and got in, looking everywhere for Kyo's car. He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and looked at every person he saw on the side of the road and looked at every car in his view for Kyo. He had that feeling again, that something bad had happened, and since he had been attacked he knew he needed to trust that feeling. He stared out the window silently, somewhat saddened every time he saw someone and realized it wasn't the little warumono.

He looked ahead out the windshield and gasped as they passed by a smashed up car lying on its side with two police cars on either side of it, a police man writing down notes on a clip board. He recognized the car—it was Kyo's car! "Pull over, Yoshiki," Shinya said and before the car could come to a halt Shinya opened the door and hopped out. He walked up the policeman, trying to see if Kyo was still inside. "Who does this car belong to?" Shinya asked the officer.

He glanced down at the paper and back at Shinya. "This belongs to a Niimura Tooru-san, why, do you know him?" the officer asked.

"Did you pull him out of the car? Is he still in there?" Shinya asked nervously, peering over the officer's shoulder.

"Huh? No, there was no one in the car, one witness said he just walked away from wreck heading back down the road," the police officer said.

Shinya hopped back in Yoshiki's car. "I think he's trying to head back to his house," he said and Yoshiki pulled the car around to head back.

Kyo stumbled into his house, his legs tired from walking, his face sweaty. He looked around for Shinya, he wanted to apologize for the way he had acted before, but he didn't see the drummer anywhere. He saw Shinya's bag against the wall nearest to the door and saw Miyu sleeping on his couch; Shinya was just out and would be back soon.

He walked into the bathroom and started the faucet in the bathtub, letting it fill up with hot water as he took off his sweaty clothes. All he wanted to do at the moment was relax. Shinya had been plaguing his mind the entire time he had walked back and he felt so horrible about having said those things to Shinya. They had been through so much and he completely blew Shinya off instead of getting his side, and every time Kyo thought about his insides churned.

He stepped into the tub and lie against the back of the tub, shutting his eyes and dunking his head underwater to get his hair wet. He came back up and leaned back, just soaking in the warm water. It was so soothing…so relaxing—

The door opened suddenly and Shinya walked in, wiping his eyes and going by the sink to rinse his face. He didn't even notice Kyo as he splashed water on his face. Kyo pull his knees to his chest and smiled a bit. "Twice in one day you walk in on me. Do you really want to see me naked that badly?" he asked, clearly startling Shinya greatly.

Shinya spun around, wide eyed, and then he looked away sheepishly from Kyo. "You're home," he said softly. "Kyo, I need to talk to you—"

"No, Shinya, let me go first," he sighed. "I had no right to say those things to you, I was only thinking of myself and that's why I was so mad at you. I understand if you must think about being with me…or if you don't want to. It's just…I love you…and I want you to be happy."

Shinya shook his head. "Don't apologize, I wasn't thinking before. I love you Kyo, I really do, I've only just realized it, but I've had this feeling about you for a long time—I just never knew what it was," he said. "What I'm trying to say is I don't care what other people think about this, I don't want their opinions to stop both of us from being together. I love you, Kyo."

"I love you too, Shinya," Kyo said. "Do you want to go out tomorrow? To dinner?"

"Like a date? Sure," Shinya smiled. "If you don't mind, can we tell the other's tomorrow as well?"

"Tell them what?" Kyo asked.

"Tell them…about us. I don't want it to be a secret, at least not to them," he blushed.

"I'm not saying we should where a sign in public about it, I just want to tell them. I don't want it to be anymore of a shock than it will already be."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" the singer asked, surprised by Shinya's request. He knew he would have to tell the other members eventually, but so soon? It surprised him that Shinya would say such.

Shinya nodded. "I'm absolutely sure," he said. "I'm sorry for before, I mean, I still feel bad about saying what I did."

"I do to, but never mind that, it doesn't matter, I love you," he said. "Even though sitting here naked and talking to you is great fun, if you don't mind I'd like to finish taking my bath."

Shinya cheeks turned bright red. "Um, yeah, I'm sorry. I love you too, Kyo," he said and hesitantly leaned down to kiss Kyo, their lips locked together for a moment. He as tried to pull away Kyo brought a hand up, grabbed Shinya's collar, and dragged him down into the tub with him. "Kyo!" he cried in shock, lying atop Kyo now soaking wet.

"You have no idea how incredibly hot that just was," Kyo said and leaned forward, kissing Shinya again, this time more passionately. He slid his tongue between Shinya's teeth and let his tongue once again explore the inside of Shinya's mouth, their tongues touching every time he moved his. He felt Shinya stroke his leg and that made him surge with excitement.

He pulled away from the long kiss and stared at Shinya with a smile on his face, trying to catch his breath. Shinya was turning bright red as he stared at Kyo, licking his lips. "I'll let you have your bath now," he said quietly and slowly stood up, stepping out of the tub, his clothes dripping all over the floor. He grabbed a towel and began to dry himself off as he exited the bathroom, shutting the door gently behind him.

He pressed himself to the wall outside the door, shutting his eyes and smiling. He had been right before, he loved Kyo, and Kyo loved him. The only thing left to do was to tell the other members.


	9. Chapter 9

Shinya scratched his neck, sitting up on the uncomfortable couch and straightening his shirt. He didn't know what it was, but the couches in Kyo house were terribly uncomfortable, what on earth was the little singer thinking when he bought them? He stood up and walked into the hallway, stopping by the bathroom door, seeing the light still seeping out from beneath the door. He knocked on the door gently. "Kyo, are you still in their?" he asked.

"Can you wait a sec?" Kyo asked and a few seconds later he opened the door, a towel over his shoulders, his torso naked, revealing his stitched stomach, and a loose pair of pants.

"You're not supposed to get your stitches wet," Shinya said.

"I don't give a damn. What did you need other than to scold me for bathing?" Kyo asked.  
"I was wondering if…well…maybe…I could sleep in your bed tonight," Shinya asked shyly, fearing that somehow Kyo would get the wrong idea about his request. But the again…a piece of him wanted Kyo to take it the wrong way, he just wanted to be so close to Kyo…so very close. He leaned down and kissed Kyo's lips softly, pulling away slowly.

Kyo licked his lips, "Everything you're doing tonight is so damn hot," he said, standing on his tiptoes to kiss Shinya. At first it was soft, but then they pressed their lips harder against each other, and when Shinya parted his lips he pushed his tongue into Shinya's mouth, their tongues swirling around each other, massaging each other. Kyo led his backward to his room, never breaking away from the kiss. Kyo shut the door with his foot and pushed Shinya against the wall near the bed, his hands unbuttoning Shinya's shirt as he kissed his neck gently, Shinya's hands running over him feverishly.

Shinya let the shirt slid off and he felt Kyo pull away, his fingertips on the bullet wound where it had been stitched up. For a moment, Kyo was unsure of what to do, but he leaned forward and laid a butterfly kiss on it, gently pulling Shinya over to the bed. He moved on top of Shinya, kissing his sloppily, feeling Shinya pulling at his pants and he helped the drummer slide them off.

Kyo kissed his neck, his throat, his collar, his chest and he stopped, licking across Shinya chest. The drummer moaned, the cold air and saliva sending chills up his spine. He moaned louder as Kyo sucked on his nipple, biting it softly and then he once again began to lay kisses on Shinya's body. He unbuttoned Shinya's pants and slid them down, pausing every so often to kiss his slim legs.

He moved back to where he had been before and began to kiss Shinya passionately again. He slid his hand down the drummer's torso and slipped his hand beneath the elastic of Shinya's boxers and stroked his half-erect organ.

"Oh god…Kyo…" Shinya moaned.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Kyo asked, still stroking Shinya.

"Yes," Shinya gasped, letting out another low moan. Kyo stuck two fingers into Shinya's mouth and the drummer ran his tongue over them, swirling them around in his mouth. Kyo with his hand from Shinya's mouth and pulled down the drummer's boxer with his other hand. He moved a little lower on the bed and pushed one finger into Shinya's opening, making him cry out in both shock and pleasure.

"Kao-kun, are you coming yet?" Toshiya asked as he knocked on Kyo's door repeatedly. "Kyo! Are you home? Shinya! Is Kyo home?" he called, frustrated when no one answered. He began to push the door open, but Die grabbed his arm.

"You can't do that, its not your house," Die said.

"Look, Yoshiki said Kyo was missing and he dropped Shinya off here, common sense tell you he'd come back to his house! And its not my fault he left the door unlocked," he said with a grin.

"I'm going to get Kaoru," Die mumbled, rolling his eyes.

Toshiya walked in slowly, looking around and seeing Kyo's shoes at the door and Shinya's bad near his shoes as well. "Kyo? Shinya? Are you home?" he called, walking around the corner into the hallway. The bathroom door was open with the light on, and as he walked in he nearly slipped on the water that had spilled all over the black and white tile floors. He walked towards Kyo's door and knocked on it, "Kyo? You in there?" When no one answered he walked in, seeing two figures in the bed.

"Kyo? Shinya?" he asked, walking up to the bed silently. As he neared the bed he saw Shinya sleeping in Kyo's arms, both of the shirtless, their hair tousled. He slapped his hand over his mouth and rushed out of the room, his face turning bright red. As he shut the door behind him he began laughing uncontrollably.

Die spotted Toshiya laughing, his face red and his eyes watering. "What on earth are you laughing at?" When the bassist didn't answer Die shrugged and walked into the room, staring in shock at Shinya and Kyo, Kyo holding Shinya, pressed up against him, just sleeping there. Die rushed out of the room and immediately began to laugh with Toshiya.

"Are they—" Die couldn't finish his sentence before he broke out in laughter again.

Kaoru finally came through the open door, walked around the hallway and saw Die and Toshiya bright red and wiping their eyes of tears, still laughing. "What on earth are you two doing?" Kaoru asked loudly.

Toshiya looked up and forced himself to stop laughing. He glanced at Die, who had stopped laughing as well. Toshiya grabbed his arm, signaling him to be quiet as they entered Kyo's room. Kaoru stood there in shock for a moment at the sight of the two and shook his head. "They're just…sleeping in the same…nothing to worry about," Kaoru whispered, trying to reason through the sight.

Shinya stirred and began to move out of bed, but Kyo pulled him closer. "Don't leave my arms Shinya," Kyo said in a tired tone, rolling on top of the drummer, straddling him and began kissing him passionately, kicking the covers off and running his hand down Shinya's naked thigh.

No longer able to control himself, Toshiya burst out laughing and Die followed suit, and Kaoru stood their, wide eyed and in shock, speechless. Kyo got off Shinya and spun around, staring at Die, Toshiya and Kaoru incredulously, as if refusing to believe the sight before him. Shinya sat up, looking as though he were going to faint. He grabbed the blanket and covered himself.

"Get the fuck out of my room!" Kyo shouted at them, grabbing his cordless alarm clock and through it at them. It smashed against the wall, leaving a dent. Kaoru, Die and Toshiya rushed out of the room, slamming the door behind them.

Shinya buried his face in his hands. "Oh god, what just happened?" he asked, still unable to believe it.

"We just came out of the closet the old fashion way," Kyo growled, jumping out the bed and grabbing his boxers. "What the fuck, they just invite themselves in?"

Shinya got out of the bed slowly, finding his pants and boxers as well and beginning to dress. "You did leave the door unlocked," Shinya remarked.

"So what, this is my fucking fault now?" he asked angrily, grabbing a sleeveless shirt from his drawers and putting it on.

"I'm not saying that, its just…well…I don't know," Shinya said, pulling up his pants. "What are we going to tell them?"

"I don't know," Kyo said, walking towards the door and taking a deep breath before opening it.

Toshiya bit down hard on his lower lip to keep himself from laughing. He figured catching Shinya and Kyo in bed was enough embarrassment; he just couldn't help himself. He began to have his suspicions when Kyo would often stare at Shinya as he would go about his daily routine at the recording studio, but never before had his suspicions been confirmed. Die sat neck to him, pulling the collar of his shirt over his face to hide his smirking as well. Kaoru was the only who looked serious, but his face still seemed to be in shock.

Shinya and Kyo stood at the head of the table, Shinya biting his lower lips nervously and Kyo giving Toshiya an angry glare. "You may be wondering about—" Shiny began quietly.

Kaoru interrupted. "Shinya, we're not children. We don't need the speech, we know what we saw; I guess we'd just like an explanation. How long has this been going on? How long have you kept this a secret?"

"I've had feelings for Kyo for a while, I just never realized it before," Shinya said quietly. "The day I was…taken by the American, I guess we realized that we loved each other. We were going to tell you today at practice, we had talked about it last night."

"That's not all you did last night," Die snickered, making Toshiya let himself slip for a moment, a squeak coming out of his mouth. Kaoru glared at him and Totchi put his hand back over his mouth, nudging Die with his elbow. "What?! All I did was tell the truth!"  
"Hey, how 'bout you shut the fuck up, Die?" Kyo snarled. "I'm not gonna stand here and be interrogated by you guys about my feelings. We've been seeing each other, 'kay? Is that answer good enough for you? I don't give a fuck if you understand it or accept it, but I love him and nothing anyone says will change that."

Shinya stared at Kyo, his mouth agape. His stomach was filled with butterflies, and having Kyo say that in front of the others, it felt so wonderful to him. Before he could say anything, Kyo grabbed him and kissed quite passionately right there. When Kyo pulled away Shinya just stood there in awe. "Got a problem?" Kyo asked, seeming ready for anything.

Kaoru smiled at him and shook his head. "Not one problem."

"Really?" Shinya asked hopefully, thinking they would take such new as more of a shock.  
"We don't give a damn who you sleep with, as long as you're not hurting yourself or us," Kaoru answered.

Toshiya finally could no longer hold it in and burst out laughing, ruining the perfect moment. Die had managed to force himself to stop laughing and he smiled. "After practice we should all go out for drinks!" he said.

"Well, Kyo and I had planned…" he paused, realizing it had been quite sometime he had had fun with all of them. He looked at Kyo and the singer nodded his head, approving it. "Never mind, yeah, going out would be fun."

They all sat around a small table on curved loveseats in a private area of the bar, drinking, laughing, talking.

"Hey, Kyo, if you're dating Shinya, you should give him a kiss on stage," Toshiya giggled.

"Yeah, people would think it was just a fan service, it'd be cool!" Die laughed as well.  
"I don't want that kind of attention on stage, I don't want to horrify any fans," Shinya said with a slught grin.

"Not any more horrified than they'd be having to look at Kyo's naked ass, I think that will be burned in my memory forever," Die laughed.

"Shut your fucking mouth!" Kyo growled.

"Those pale white cheeks!" Die said in a feminine voice, laughing and taking a sip of beer.

"Shinya doesn't seem to mind," Kyo said with a smirk, wrapping his arm around the shy drummer.

"That doesn't count because he loves you," Kaoru laughed.

Shinya didn't say anything, he only smiled to himself, Kyo's arm wrapped around him as he insulted Die and the others. When someone said something drastic, such as what Kaoru had just said, for once in the past month, Shinya didn't get the feeling that something bad was going to happen, that something terrible would once again rip Kyo and him apart. Shinya knew they would be together forever. As Kyo leaned over to kiss him, when their lips touched the words echoed in his mind, _'together forever'_.


End file.
